By The Vs. Affairs Desk
Compare and contrast.
DALTON: The cooler, not the bouncer.
ANDY DALTON: Neither cool nor bouncy.
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DALTON: Pain don’t hurt.
ANDY DALTON: Owww!
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DALTON: Studied philosophy.
ANDY DALTON: Should be more philosophical about the job he’s about to lose to Justin Fields.
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DALTON: Lives on a farm.
ANDY DALTON: Plays for a shitty team.
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DALTON: Hooks up with Doc.
ANDY DALTON: Will spend a lot of time with team docs.
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DALTON: Works at the Double Deuce.
ANDY DALTON: Works for a real douche.
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DALTON: Killed a man in Memphis.
ANDY DALTON: Will get killed behind this offensive line.
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DALTON: Best friend is Wade Garrett.
ANDY DALTON: Not as good as Wade Wilson.
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DALTON: Dates Elizabeth Clay.
ANDY DALTON: Feet of clay.
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DALTON: Shops at Red’s Auto Parts.
ANDY DALTON: Sucks in the red zone.
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DALTON: Killed a man in self-defense.
ANDY DALTON: Killed a WR by inability to read defense.
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DALTON: Made an enemy of Brad Wesley.
ANDY DALTON: Not as good as Brad Johnson.
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DALTON: Knows Tai Chi.
ANDY DALTON: Not long for Chi Town.
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DALTON: Take out the trash.
ANDY DALTON: Is the trash.
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DALTON: Has a high tolerance for the fragrance of nature.
ANDY DALTON: Stinks.
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DALTON: Is the best in his trade.
ANDY DALTON: Won’t fetch much in a trade.
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DALTON: Friends with Jeff Healey.
ANDY DALTON: Plays like he’s blind.
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Previously from the Vs. Affairs Desk:
* Sweet Home Alabama vs. Sweet Home Chicago
* The Kennedy Curse vs. The Cubs Curse
* Oprah vs. Obama
* Lincoln vs. Obama
* The Ryder Cup vs. NATO
* Chicago 2016 vs. Baghdad 2016
* Tank vs. Troutman
* James Brown vs. Gerald Ford
* Hester vs. Hastert
* Cubs vs. Hawks
* Quinn vs. Quade
* Alexi vs. Everyday People
* BP vs. Big Z
* McCain vs. McRib
* Subway vs. McDonald’s
* IPRA vs. Oprah
* Marlon Byrd vs. Robert Byrd
* Lilo vs. Blago
* Rahm vs. Rob
* Chicago vs. Wisconsin.
* ICEE vs. ICE
* Bari Weiss vs. Barry White.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on August 23, 2021