Chicago -
By Eric Emery
Since the Bears had a much deserved bye week, the players caught up on some TV. During the season, most players record their favorite shows, then watch all the episodes during the bye week. Here are everybody’s favorite shows:
Bear: Brian Urlacher
Favorite Show: Jon and Kate Plus Eight
*
Bear: Lovie Smith
Favorite Show: Lost
*
Bear: Tommie Harris
Favorite Show: My Own Worst Enemy
Posted on October 31, 2008
By Eric Emery
Last Sunday was a complete wreck. And you know who’s to blame? My friend, Dirty Andy, and his wedding.
You know how people have a weakness for weddings? I have a weakness for getting too drunk at wedding receptions.
So I spent Sunday on the couch mostly asleep, though I did manage to wake up in time to see the Steelers snap that ball over the punter’s head.
If only the NFL could be more like weddings . . .
* Both teams meet the night before to practice the game. Gives each side a chance to decide who they will hit on the next day.
* Go into uniform shop 15 minutes before closing. Give call to the other team’s head coach about the 5XL jersey that was erroneously ordered for the kicker.
* Get to stadium four hours early to talk the best player into not playing today, or for that matter, ever again.
Posted on October 30, 2008
Week 8 is the halfway point of the football season, so a good time to take a look at who should be potential second-half stars. But, first a quick look at how our predictions for great plays in Week 8 turned out.
We predicted:
* Jason Campbell, QB: 220 Pass YDs, 2 TDs vs. Detroit
* Thomas Jones, 100 Rush YDs, 2 TDs vs. K.C.
* Steve Smith, WR: 120 Rec. YDs, 2 TDs vs Ariz.
Actual performances:
* Campbell: 328 Pass YDs, 1 TD
* Jones: 54 Rush YDs, 1 TD
* Smith: 117 Rec. YDs, 2 TDs
Okay, we were at least on the right track with Campbell. We were off the mark with Jones, and the Jets’ play selection in general is a mess. Brett Favre started the season strong, but his inconsistency means Jones should get more touches than the 14 he got Sunday against Kansas City. The Jets missed a huge opportunity, but I think you can look for Jones to get the ball more for the rest of the season. Smith was a bulls-eye.
Now, who will be our second-half stars? A look at some of the second-half match-ups, team news and performance trends gives us these potentially big second-half players:
Posted on October 29, 2008
By Jim Coffman
Happy Bye Day Bears! It was a much better pre-bye season than anyone anticipated after all. Sure, it could have been better . . . three beautiful fourth quarter leads . . . blown . . . argh. But this team is more than a little intriguing and has more than a little potential to make some noise in the next two months. I’ll take it. I’ll also take a Sunday of looking around the league a little bit, at least at the late afternoon games.
Since this year’s Bears clearly aren’t the “get off the bus running and play mean-streak defense ’til the cows come home” type team we’re supposed to prefer around here, I thought I’d check out the two teams who best answer that description so far this season. And they just so happened to be facing each other. One-loss Pittsburgh (going in) hosted the one-loss New York Football Giants on Sunday and while it would be wacky in this topsy-turvy NFL to dub any contest a “Super Bowl Preview,” this game is as likely as any other this season to eventually fit that bill.
Posted on October 27, 2008
By Eric Emery
Chicago scratched out a victory last week largely due to the efforts of the special teams. In a game where a previously inept Minnesota offense scored 41 points, Chicago showed a weakness: They don’t play defense well when they don’t know what the offense will do. This shows that skill alone won’t get the job done. Here are some ways the Bears can get up-to-date information on the opposing team’s game plan.
* Intercept game plan in old school way: Rob train carrying the mail.
* Intercept game plan in new school way: Hire Bill Belichick as Director of New Media.
* Call Brett Favre.
Posted on October 24, 2008
By Eric Emery
Somehow in American society, polls now represent and measure every possible thought and belief within our society. Concerned about fishing in California? What about the preferred gift for Father’s Day? Ever wonder about the size of people’s iPods? I didn’t, until I found this. Polls express and solve everything. In this spirit, I propose that the NFL cancels the regular season, and allow polls to decide the winners of each division. In fact, we already have some exit results.
Posted on October 23, 2008
By Dan O’Shea
Before we turn our eyes to Week 7 in the NFL, which saw even more stars steered from their starting line-ups by injuries and other issues, let’s focus our attention on matters in which we can still invest some hope. That’s right, the Fantasy NBA season is only just beginning, and not too much has gone wrong yet – unless you’re a wishful Washington Wizards fan eager to show your support by drafting Gilbert Arenas (PG) and Brendan Haywood (C) early. If so, please reconsider, as both have suffered season-obliterating injuries.
Here’s a quick position-by-position round-up of the players worth watching this season:
Posted on October 22, 2008
By Jim Coffman
I almost hopped in my car and drove down to Soldier Field to volunteer for cornerback duty for the Bears on Sunday. But I just can’t get out of my back-pedal like I used to. OK, OK, I can’t even get into my back-pedal. Fortunately, good old Zack Bowman, who moved up from no-string to third-string to first-string in the last week bounced back from what appeared to be a significant arm injury to finish off the 48-41 victory (you can’t really call it a triumph can you? I mean, 41 points against? We’re not calling it a conquest either) with the Bears’ fourth interception.
What’s that? You say you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Bowman? Well, he’s a rookie free agent out of Nebraska who grew up in Anchorage, Alaska. At Barlett High School there he starred on the football and basketball teams. On the court he teamed with 2008 Final Four hero Mario Chalmers. The Bears’ web site (which contains all these fun little nuggets) spells his name two different ways (Zackary and Zachary). But it identifies his father as Zackary Bowman and that’s the clincher. In his first NFL game, Bowman put up six points to go with his pick and he now leads fellow former Cornhusker Mike Brown 1-0 in two categories on the season.
Posted on October 20, 2008
By Eric Emery
Last week, the Bears fell to 3-3. Like their other two losses, the Bears employed one of their favorite plays: Fill the adult diaper with crap. Unlike their other two losses, though, the Bears used a little creativity. I appreciate their efforts, given that if the Bears were to simply use the same path to defeat all year, writing about them would become tedious and uninteresting. Perhaps the Bears need additional suggestions for thinking up interesting ways to lose. Below are some other creative ways to disappoint the Kool-Aid Nation:
* Lovie Smith replaces the playbook with the U.S. military’s original counter-insurgency guide.
* Lovie replaces Kyle Orton with Richard M. Daley. To make Daley feel comfortable, Lovie only calls misdirection plays.
* Allow fans to make next call through text-message voting.
Posted on October 17, 2008
By Eric Emery
With Halloween just around the corner, you might consider dressing as your favorite team’s mascot. The problem is, however, the mascot may not be indicative or representative of your city. Worse yet, the mascot may represent some archaic person or word that no longer means anything meaningful. To help the fans of the NFL and Halloween, here is the city and some alternate mascot names:
City: Green Bay
Alternative to Packers: The Overweight Triple Bypass Heart Patients
Halloween Costume: A bottle of brandy eating fried cheese curds.
Posted on October 16, 2008
