By Eric Emery
I watched one game in its entirety last week: Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh. That’s because I was there.
As I hinted at last week, I paid way too much for tickets roughly 14 weeks ago. Making matters worse, airline “AA” out of O’Hare chose to cancel my late morning Saturday flight, even though airline “SW” out of Midway chose to fly an hour earlier than my scheduled flight. Last time I checked, O’Hare possesses a normal length of runway to accommodate today’s planes.
So I did what any sports-obsessed fan would do: I threw my stuff in my car and drove. This turned out to be a big problem. Between Chicago and Pittsburgh lies two unremarkable states: Indiana and Ohio. Which is better for the driving sports fan? Here is my analysis.
Miles Traveled Through State
Indiana: 284
Ohio: 478
Advantage: Indiana. Less time driving equals more time drinking.
Hall of Fames Referenced
Indiana: College Football and Rec Vehicle/Mobile Home.
Ohio: None Spotted.
Advantage: None. Ever see a mobile Mobile Home?
Mellencamp Quotient
Indiana: Three songs, two actual pink houses.
Ohio: No songs, no pink houses.
Advantage: Ohio. Apparently not Our Country – but somewhere much, much better.
Sports Movie-Related Cities
Indiana: South Bend
Ohio: Cleveland
Advantage: Cleveland. Winning AL East with Charlie Sheen more believable than Rudy.
Morning Radio
Indiana: Can still reach Chicago stations.
Ohio: Spent 30 minutes talking about the Lohan/Hilton feud.
Advantage: Indiana. By the time I got through Ohio, Lindsay and Paris had made-up and broken up three more times.
Best Minor League Mascots
Indiana: Gary Rail Cats.
Ohio: Toledo Mud Hens.
Advantage: None. Neither makes a whit of sense.
Winner: There is no winner when you drive through Indiana and Ohio. Only survivors.
Here are this weeks over- and under-hyped games of the week.
Over-Hyped: Denver at San Diego
Storyline: Denver looks to right the ship after Jay Culter’s first start at QB. San Diego looks to solidify its hold as one of the top two teams in the AFC.
What they fail to mention: Last week, Cutler wore double-reinforced handcuffs against an average Seattle defense. This week, they are triple-reinforced.
Pick: San Diego minus 7/Over 43.5
Under-Hyped: New Orleans at Dallas (Sunday night)
Storyline: Which team presents the better “feel-good” story: The post-Katrina Saints or the Who The Hell Is Tony Romo Cowboys?
What they fail to mention: It’s almost impossible to call this “under-hyped” given the incredible amount of attention this game is getting. And yet . . . both teams score points, both teams have coaches who make funny faces, both teams tend to make a lot of mistakes, and both teams have Super Bowl delusions. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Pick: Dallas minus 6.5/Over 47
Last Week: 1-4-1
Season: 30-43-3
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. He can be contacted at Eric_Emery12345@yahoo.com. Or berate him publicly.
Posted on December 7, 2006