By Marty Gangler
How meaningful is it that the Cubs are in first place in the NL Central? Well, we here at The Cub Factor think it’s sort of like being the tallest Fontenot. Or the largest shrimp in the basket. Or the least corrupt politician in Illinois. Oh yeah, we’ve got a bunch of ’em. It’s sort of like being . . .
* The most honest lawyer in the phone book
* The best golfer at the Putt-Putt
* The best episode of Real World: Cancun
* The best reporter on your local TV news
* The world’s strongest 80-year-old man
* Homeless but with a kickass cardboard box
* The best movie on Lifetime this year
* The best Coldplay song
* The smallest check you’ll bounce this week
* The first team that will get knocked out of the NL playoffs

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Posted on July 27, 2009

By Marty Gangler
As soon as you think this 2009 Cub team is going to turn it around they do something like, well, something like be themselves again. Even with the return of “leading man” Aramis Ramirez, the Cubs did little this week besides be themselves. And even though I rip the crap out of them most times, I’d really like them to win more and be, well, not themselves. With this in mind we here at the Cub Factor would like to throw out a few ideas based on some classic (and not so classic) baseball movies, you know, because in movies people aren’t themselves, they act like other people. And there’s some advice in these classics that could certainly help the Cubs.
* Major League: Ask Jobu for ability to hit. Julio Zuleta will do, too.
* Hustle: The Pete Rose Story: Put some skin in the game.
* The Natural: Start storm-chasing looking for trees hit by lightning. Dusty and Rabbit can help.
* Ed: The next second baseman is . . . a chimp. Or Sean Marshall.

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Posted on July 13, 2009

By Marty Gangler
It’s about time Uncle Lou finally decided to manage this team again instead of slipping into early retirement right before our eyes. But what finally pushed him over the edge? We’ve got some ideas.
* He took a look at his tanking 401(k) and realized he really needs that Manager of the Year bonus money to buy his dream boat and stock it with Falstaff.
* His old lady gave him what-for after he failed to phone home right away upon arriving in Pittsburgh last week, so he took it out on Alfonso Soriano.
* The clubhouse guy was really giving it to Lou after having to re-size Lou’s jersey once again for his ever expanding gut, so he took it out on Alfonso Soriano.
* He just awoke from a bad dream in which his starting outfield was Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome, and Milton Bradley.
* The University of Illinois called and demanded that Sam Fuld be admitted to the lineup.

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Posted on July 5, 2009