By Marty Gangler
How meaningful is it that the Cubs are in first place in the NL Central? Well, we here at The Cub Factor think it’s sort of like being the tallest Fontenot. Or the largest shrimp in the basket. Or the least corrupt politician in Illinois. Oh yeah, we’ve got a bunch of ’em. It’s sort of like being . . .
* The most honest lawyer in the phone book
* The best golfer at the Putt-Putt
* The best episode of Real World: Cancun
* The best reporter on your local TV news
* The world’s strongest 80-year-old man
* Homeless but with a kickass cardboard box
* The best movie on Lifetime this year
* The best Coldplay song
* The smallest check you’ll bounce this week
* The first team that will get knocked out of the NL playoffs
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Week in Review: The Cubs are 8-2 since the All-Star break, sweeping the Nationals and Reds but losing two of three to the Phillies. Winning eight of 10 is impressive. Winning the series against the Phillies would have been impressiver. I think we’ll just take impressive at this point.
Week in Preview: The Cubs stay home for four against the Astros, then head to Florida for three against the fighting fish. If they stay on a roll it will continue to be impressive, maybe even impressiver.
The Second Basemen Report: Mighty Mike Fontenot has started eight of 10 games since the All-Star break. Jeff Baker has the other two starts. Andres Blanco (Andy White) has disappeared. So, the guy who was supposed to be the starting second baseman at the beginning of the season has taken the job back. Well, until the trade deadline gets here and the Cubs pick up someone else. Which really could happen, you know. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second baseman news, Mark DeRosa is hitting .244 so far with the Cardinals. Ronny Cedeno is hitting around .177 for the Mariners. Mark Grudzielanek, last seen hitting .299 for the Royals last year, has signed a minor-league deal with the Twins. They are all missed. Except Cedeno.
The Zam Bomb: Moving into first pace puts a little more wick on the ol’ Zam bomb. He is Getting Angry for the first time in a while.
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Lost in Translation: Richio Hardini-san is Japanese for a box of chocolates. Because you never know what you are going to get.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Geovany Soto for Jenny Craig, depending on the “After” pictures.
Milton Bradley Game of the Week: Because Uncle Lou has taken Milton under his wing to reinvent his swing, the game of the week is Boggle Reinvention 2009.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 53% sweet, 47% sour. Lou is up three points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to being in first place. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is glad you passed your drivers license road test but don’t think he’s going to give you the keys to his prized 1969 GTO. You still have too many issues and can’t be trusted.
Don’t Hassle The Hoff: Getting in the way of the Hoff could be a hassle. But not in this case.
Over/Under: The number of Cub fans who still think Soriano should lead off: +/- none of the smart ones.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Cubs are definitely better than the bottom half of the league.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
Fantasy Fix: All-Star illusions and Paul Konerko.
The Mount Lou Alert System: Mount Lou remains at Green, but don’t be fooled by that calm exterior. Astros and the Marlins have a way of slicing into veins of lava that could quickly rise to the surface; conditions this week could change quickly.
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Posted on July 27, 2009