Chicago -
By Marty Gangler
This week we here at The Cub Factor would like to help out our favorite team. They’ve had a tough week.
With this in mind we thought we’d produce a psychological screening test the Cubs should use before on all free agents or players whose contracts are up for renewal. Because, well, it’s clear they need some help in that department.
Here we go:
Posted on June 28, 2010
By Marty Gangler
After the tremendous pounding that the Cubs took after Saturday’s game – when they lost 12-0 – good ol’ Uncle Lou said “we’ve tried everything” No they haven’t. We here at the Cub Factor have a few additional suggestions for Lou:
* Fire yourself. You can say it’s for health reasons.
* Listen to Steve Stone from the get-go; if you did, Tyler Colvin would have been starting long ago, Carlos Zambrano never would have been sent to the bullpen, and Andrew Cashner would have broken camp in the Cubs bullpen, among other things.
* Stop demoting .300 hitters to make room for rookies brought in from the minors; that’s what you did to Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Now second base is a mess.
* Stop using pitchers as pinch-hitters. It’s not cute anymore.
* Move your veterans out of the middle of the lineup when they go into prolonged slumps. If their feelings are hurt, send them to the club psychiatrist.
* Stop acting like a damn dummy or you’ll be one.
* Make the players do shots of Moises Alou’s urine every time they commit an error. There’s still a case of it in Storage Room B.
* Fire Jim Hendry. You can always make it look like an accident.
Posted on June 21, 2010
By Marty Gangler
You know a Cubs manager has had enough and is out the door when he starts whining about Steve Stone – who is almost always right. Lou Piniella is just the latest in a long line of baseball men who went up against the weight of Cubs history and the dysfunction of the organization and has come out on the losing end.
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Posted on June 14, 2010
By Steve Rhodes
Are the Cubs really underperforming this season?
I seem to recall an offseason lacking in excitement and a tacit acknowledgement that this year’s squad would not be as good as last year’s. The hope, it seemed, was that they would still manage to get themselves into the playoffs and then, somehow, exceed their previous recent appearances because . . . Tyler Colvin was left-handed?
This Cubs team is right where it ought to be – in a mess.
Posted on June 8, 2010
By Marty Gangler
As another week goes into the books on the 2010 season and the Cubs do nothing to distinguish themselves as a good team, it’s hard as a Chicago sports fan not to focus completely on the Blackhawks and their Stanley Cup run.
It got me thinking about how the Cubs and Blackhawks are similar and thinking even more about how they are well, un-similar. Sort of like this Beachwood post. Let’s take it a step further.
Posted on June 1, 2010
By Marty Gangler
Just when we thought it was safe to not care.
Just when you were going to trade in your fungoes for hockey sticks.
Just when you thought you would spend a little more time in the backyard this summer.
Just then, the Cubs go ahead and win for a week.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean they are back in it. But it’s enough to have to keep tuning in.
Posted on May 24, 2010
By Marty Gangler
After another week of pretty much torture watching this year’s version of the floundering Cubs, one has to wonder – once again – why we watch these guys.
Yeah, I know, it’s “what you do” because, well, you’re a fan, but one doesn’t have to look any further than our crusty old manager for some words of wisdom.
Good old Uncle Lou chimed in with another doozy after the game this week that Big Z blew up.
When asked (again) if Big Z is the answer in the 8th inning, Lou said he didn’t have a lot of options.
First, that is a shot at the GM for building a bad team. Second, he’s right – and neither do we. I’d like to not watch the Cubs at all sometimes, but I don’t have a lot of options. So I kind of know what Lou is going through.
Posted on May 17, 2010
By Steve Rhodes
Marty Gangler is on special assignment investigating conditions on Tom Ricketts’ bison farm. If he’s not back next week, please contact the authorities.
Just like the White Sox, the Cubs’ season is going exactly according to plan.
Unfortunately, it’s Jim Hendry’s plan.
True, Hendry didn’t expect Aramis Ramirez and Derrek Lee to disappear, but that’s just because Hendry’s not really paying attention. They always disappear.
Here’s how the Cubs can fix their season before it’s too late:
Posted on May 10, 2010
By Marty Gangler
I guess the biggest question you have to ask yourself this week is:
What kind of baseball do you play?
No, really, what kind of baseball do you play?
If you were under a rock this week, this is what good ol’ Uncle Lou asked a reporter who had the audacity to ask Lou why he didn’t bunt in a tight ballgame. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what possible answer someone could come up with ever since.
Do you play small ball? Long ball? Bean ball? Moneyball? A cross between small and long ball – let’s call it medium to long ball, or maybe if you sway the other way it would be small to medium ball. What about small moneyball? Do the Royals play small moneyball, or just bad ball? Because the answer for most people would be, no ball. Because who actually plays baseball anymore? I know I haven’t played a game of real baseball since I was like 13 and I wasn’t very good. So my answer would be none to horrible baseball. And wouldn’t that be like most other reporters also? So I guess the answer would be: That is kind of a stupid question, Lou.
Posted on May 4, 2010
By Steve Rhodes
Editor’s Note: Cub Factor columnist Marty Gangler slipped in the hot tub and is limited to towel drills this week, so I’m filling in.
The big news this week was Carlos Zambrano’s move to the bullpen. The Cub Factor has learned that Lou Piniella is considering other dramatic changes. Such as:
Posted on April 26, 2010
