By Eric Emery
With the Christmas season (almost) mercifully behind us, I have an observation: As ridiculous as the NFL hype machine seems to be, the Christmas season makes the NFL look like a tea party with your Aunt Mildred. Gladly Christmas isn’t more like the NFL, because it would look a lot like this:
* Peyton Manning in even more commercials, and also appearing as Santa at your local mall.
* The news measures the health of the economy by finding out how many hot dogs were purchased at the last New York Giants home game.
* The “All-Christmas” radio station changes to “All NFL carols.” The station plays Gloria Estefan signing the favorite “Hark! The Drunken Packers Sing (Glory to the Newborn Favre)”
* Minute-by-minute coverage of Week 17’s action starts in late November.
* NFL plays its Thanksgiving Day games at midnight to kick off the merchandising season.
* Even though most of the nation claims to be “devout NFL fans,” most fans only watch football the Super Bowl.
* Instead of watching the latest game with favorable company, you insist on watching the game with hated members of the family, where the spirit of the NFL season is lost in the petty arguing and bitter grudges.
* By Week 16, you wish the NFL never existed.
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OverHyped Game of the Week: Titans at Colts
Storyline: It’s a must-win for the Titans. It’s a must-not-get-injured game for the Colts. You should still watch it, because both teams have winning records.
Reality: The Colts are worried about a Manning injury; they replace Manning with Gary Busey for all commercials. Too bad the Titans cannot score a bunch to cover the spread.
Pick: Indianapolis Plus 6, Under 39.5 Points Scored.
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UnderHyped Game of the Week: Cowboys at Redskins
Storyline: Both teams have each other. You know what I heard? Terrell Owens said something totally outlandish about the Redskins, which he will later retract.
Reality: This is another “mail it in game” for the Cowboys. Too bad the Redskins cannot score a bunch to cover the spread.
Pick: Dallas Plus 9.5 Points, Under 39.5 Points Scored.
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Results:
Last week: 2-4 (1-2 Against the Spread, 1-2 Over/Under)
Season: 40-54 (17-30 Against the Spread, 23-24 Over/Under)
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For more Emery, see the Kool-Aid archive, and the Over/Under archive. Emery accepts comments from Bears fans reluctantly and everyone else tolerably.
Posted on December 27, 2007