By Steve Rhodes

Just because we’ve never heard until now that Rod Blagojevich has some sort of substance abuse problem – and just because ex-con Scott Fawell just suggested that Blago fake just such a problem to get time trimmed off his sentence – doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
I hereby offer the services of The Beachwood Media Company to find out. Some associates of mine will attempt to show Blago a good time and see how he holds up. I bet he doesn’t last more than a couple hours but we’ll let him name the substances he wishes to abuse and hope for the best.

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Posted on December 15, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

Let’s take a look at the news . . .
“Behavioral Evidence For The Evolution Of Walking And Bounding Before Terrestriality In Sarcopterygian Fishes.”
Or: Holy Fuck, These Fish Walk On Their Fins!
Brought to you by the good folks at the University of Chicago.

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Posted on December 14, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

The universe is conspiring in all sorts of ways today to keep The Beachwood Media Company from its appointed rounds, so I’ll just have to update the site tomorrow. Frickin’ universe.

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Posted on December 13, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

First, a few thoughts on the Bears’ disaster yesterday:
As one commentator said at one point during the game, this year’s Broncos in some ways resembles the 2001 Bears, who finished 13-3 by finishing 8-0 in games that were all decided by seven or fewer points, including two in overtime. And by Lovie Smith’s 2006 Bears, who also went 13-3.
Those teams relied on great special teams (including great kickers) and tough defense to stay in games they would win by turnovers and every bounce going their way. And with inadequate quarterbacks.

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Posted on December 12, 2011

By Natasha Julius

Special Tim Tebow Avoidance Edition
Love him or hate him, no Bears fan really wants to see Tim Tebow rack up another 50 yards at the expense of the Blue & Orange. If the thought of watching a Broncos win is too much for you, here are our official suggestions for alternate Sunday afternoon plans.
1. Play hardball instead. It’s cheap, it’s easy, and you’d be surprised how many people will take up your challenge.

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Posted on December 10, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

It’s pretty late in the day for a column so let’s just have some fun with whatever items I can scrounge up without fully reading through the day’s news, which I haven’t gotten to yet.
1. “An Arlington Heights couple who owns a pizzeria allegedly used the business to cover up their role in a drug trafficking operation to bring heroin from Mexico to the Chicago area, officials said today,” the Tribune reports.
Officials got suspicious when deliveries began taking 30 seconds or less.

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Posted on December 9, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

“Rod Blagojevich starts his Thursday facing a bleak countdown – 71 days before the twice-elected Illinois governor must say goodbye to his family and begin serving a 14-year sentence for corruption,” AP reports.
“During those days, he will scramble to get his financial affairs in order and spend a final birthday and Christmas at home with his wife, Patti, and their two young daughters before heading off to prison to serve the sentence handed down Wednesday.
“The next time Blagojevich gets to spend Christmas or his birthday with his children – 15-year-old Amy and 8-year-old Annie – they will likely be young adults. Blagojevich, whose 55th birthday is Saturday, won’t be eligible for early release for about 12 years, when he will be around 67 years old.”

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Posted on December 8, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

Rod Blagojevich wasn’t just a doof, or an unwitting dupe. He set out to get rich from day one and to further his political ambitions by amassing a cache of cash to ward off opponents. He enlisted in his schemes not only his culpable and indictable wife, but his estranged brother. And instead of governing the state, he politicized every nuance of his administration from his dining room table. (He told aides he wanted to rule like Richard M. Daley, which tells us something about the pernicious influence of the mayor whose middle initial stood for Manager according to so many dazzled reporters.) Blago knew what he was doing every step of the way.
Lawmakers thought he was such a pathological liar that they forced him to sign Memorandum of Agreements memoranda of understanding so he couldn’t deny what was just said. Once caught, he spread his lies around the globe. He lied at his impeachment proceedings. He lied in every (enabling) media venue he could find. And he lied on the witness stand. Why should we feel even an ounce of sympathy for him?

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Posted on December 7, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

Like our state song says, by thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois, comes an echo on the breeze, rustling through the leafy trees, and its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois.
But what are these tones, exactly?
Of prison bars closing on one governor, then another.
– The Tribune’s John Kass, previewing this week’s sentencing of Rod Blagojevich

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Posted on December 6, 2011

By Steve Rhodes

“Cook County prosecutors rarely file felony charges against students accused of sexual violence on college campuses, according to a Tribune analysis. A survey of 16 local colleges found that police investigated 109 reported sex crimes since fall 2005, with 12 resulting in arrests and five in convictions,” the paper reported over the weekend.
“Cook County prosecutors are not the only ones to struggle with forcible sex offenses on college campuses.
“The Tribune reported earlier this year that women who report sexual violence on campuses rarely see their attackers arrested and almost never see them convicted. A June survey of six schools in Illinois and Indiana found police investigated 171 reported sex crimes since fall 2005, with 12 resulting in arrests and four in convictions. Only one of the convictions stemmed from a student-on-student attack.
“The arrest and conviction rates in the Midwest and Cook County surveys were far below the average for rapes reported nationally.”

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Posted on December 5, 2011