By Natasha Julius
We’re not trying to be unethical or anything, but if you voted for Obama seek your weekend news somewhere else.
Market Update
The need to count ourselves spurred a heartening recovery in the job market last month. Those concerned that the upturn is temporary should take heart; analysts suggest by the time the 2010 census ends, a lot more people will be needed to creatively count the unemployed.
Unfit State
The welcome news of economic recovery was slow to affect Michigan, where more people are out of work than anywhere else in the nation. Of course, recent evidence suggest more people in Michigan are out of their damn minds than anywhere else in the nation as well.
Ike Strike
As a major construction project gets underway on the Eisenhower, commuters face an unenviable choice: sit in endless traffic or cram themselves onto crowded CTA trains and buses. Or, you know, find some way to combine the two.
Vatican Pwned
In a subconscious bid to heal the wounds within the Catholic Church, the Pope’s personal preacher Father Raniero Cantalamessa used his Good Friday sermon to inadvertently reverse decades of Vatican denials by violating Godwin’s Law. Victims’ rights groups hailed the speech as an “epic fail” that might lead to meaningful reform.
Loan Sharked
Finally this week, the Cubs’ collective attempt to lease the soul of Wrigley Field to a heartless conspiracy has hit another snag. Analysts suggest this could be beneficial, however, as these types of arrangements never seem to pay off in the long run.
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Final Foursome: Beachwood Brackets updated!
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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Epic.
Posted on April 3, 2010