Chicago -
By Stephanie B Goldberg
1. As Bobby Jindal said (and said and said), “Americans can do anything.”
Meanwhile, NASA held a scrap metal sale this week.
2. Poor maligned Bobby Jindal, the newest face of the Republican party. Actually, that face isn’t new at all. (It’s a baby boomer thing, you wouldn’t understand.)
Posted on February 27, 2009
Dear Illinois African-American Community:
Please let me make a point on the unfolding debacle formerly known as Roland Burris, despite the fact that I have no recent ancestors from Africa. (I considered not writing this at all, but then I picked up the paper and found Eric Holder was already calling me a coward.)
The single most reliable strategy to ensure that President Obama’s former Senate seat will ultimately go to a white politician is to keep Roland Burris in it right now.
Posted on February 24, 2009
By J.J. Tindall
INTIMATIONS
Rescue cannot be summoned,
Captivity must be endured.
The bastard wind our gaoler
Retains jurisdiction, random
Beatings loom, black ice
Lurks.
Posted on February 24, 2009
By The Beachwood Meetup Affairs Desk
We plan your Meet-Up schedule.
MONDAY: The Matteson Mastermind Business Network February Meetup.
“Has your business won any awards with your advertising dollars lately? Try a fresh new approach. Come out and join other small business owners by developing relationships allowing you to refer prospects to other businesses and capitalize on having prospects be referred to your business. Dollar for dollar, everyone is a winner!! $10 fee at the door (includes a complimentary luncheon)”
Posted on February 23, 2009
By Jeff Huebner
Dedicated on September 21, 2006, the life-size bronze sculpture of Charles Gustavus Wicker (1820-89) in his namesake Chicago park depicts the businessman, politician, and developer as an almost forbidding figure. As imagined by sole living descendant, great-granddaughter and sculptor Nancy Deborah Wicker of Harvard, IL, the man who gave the neighborhood its name is shown wearing a grim visage, a Lincoln-like stovepipe hat, and a bulky overcoat that makes him look like a Wild West lawman. All that’s missing is a horse (as if the Park District needs another equestrian statue, anyway).
But our new hero isn’t without props: he’s wielding one of those old round brooms, a reference, as Wicker has said, to how her great-grandfather, despite his social standing, was often seen sweeping the neighborhood and, at least in one instance, an Election Day polling place. Asked why, Wicker allegedly replied, “because it was dirty.” (We take that to mean the floor, not Chicago elections in general.) In other words, the embodiment of the American can-do spirit: “If something needs to be done – do it!”
Yet I can’t help but see that broom as a metaphor. On almost any given day, sitting on tables around the statue, one can find the homeless and the poor who use the park as a shelter and gathering place. Surely, city and park officials as well as many local residents would like to see such elements “swept away” in an effort to make the park as tidy and sanitized as possible for the suburban set and new investment. In some ways, many of these park regulars have become victims to the culmination of a real estate speculation process that began some 138 years ago, when brothers Charles and Joel Wicker helped develop the area, using the green oasis to increase their land’s value.
Posted on February 12, 2009
By Steve Rhodes
This is a copy of an e-mail that I sent out to a handful of friends on Tuesday afternoon – with two of the replies I got back. The dialogue with the Peoples representative has been smartly edited for clarity and comedy, but it’s almost all exactly how it went down.
*
Peoples Gas sucks so hard . . . it’s like in a third-world country where they call the name of some nationalized industry Peoples Steel or Peoples Television.
So I got a notice in the mail that I had not responded to an earlier notice about a federally mandated meter inspection. Well, I don’t own the building!
Plus, they had my apartment number wrong. Have I been paying for someone else’s gas? Is that why my bills went up so much starting last spring? I pay more for taxes than on actual gas! I barely use any therms at all! (I don’t pay for heat.)
So I called up to ask about this and I couldn’t get to a human no matter what numbers I pressed. Finally I screamed into the phone “How about what number to press to talk to a fucking human!”
“We will connect with an operator.”
It worked!
Posted on February 11, 2009
Date: February 1, 2009
From: Wicker Park
To: Humboldt Park
The Cab: A cute little hybrid? It’s like a stout modern van-thing. It only has 19,334 miles on it. It’s cozy, with close proximity to the driver and a clear view of the dashboard. Hey, what’s that blinking light? It’s me! I don’t have my seat belt on! A clean, black interior spoiled only by the use of newspapers as floor mats.
Posted on February 10, 2009
By Jonathan Lapper
In 1986, with the release of his album Graceland, Paul Simon found himself in a curious position. His album was receiving the highest kudos from music critics the world over, but at the same time he was being protested, criticized, and vilified. The problems were many. First and foremost, he had violated a cultural boycott of South Africa, a boycott that was endorsed by the United Nations, by using South African musicians and recording in Johannesburg. Simon’s supporters argued that he was giving exposure to the musicians of South Africa at a time when the world was ignoring them. His detractors claimed he was exploiting them, using them for backing rhythms, knowing that in the event of controversy, he could pull out the “I’m just trying to help” excuse. After all, without Simon it was argued, their careers in South Africa would have never taken off.
Posted on February 9, 2009
By Stephanie B. Goldberg
1. Andy Card, the former chief of staff to George W. Bush, got his nose out of joint this week over President Obama’s penchant for working in his shirt sleeves. “I do expect him to send the message that people who are going to be in the Oval Office should treat the office with the respect that it has earned over history,” Card said.
Then again, if Obama was really going to treat the office with the respect it earned during the Bush administration, he’d dress like this.
2. Speaking of wacky clowns, Bill Gates unleashed a swarm of mosquitoes on an unsuspecting audience this week while giving a speech on malaria. And here I thought he was trying to illustrate the joys of using Vista.
Posted on February 6, 2009
By The Beachwood Lincoln Lamps Affairs Desk
Any editorial comment or mention that you may give this press release would be greatly appreciated.
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THE LAMPS THAT LIT LINCOLN’S WEDDING TO BE AUCTIONED
YONKERS, NY – The set of three lamps by which the young Abraham Lincoln read and studied, and which illuminated his 1842 wedding to Mary Todd, will be sold at auction on February 25, 2009.
This is only the third appearance of these iconic bronze and crystal lamps on the market in some 166 years. For decades, they were displayed at the Lincoln Homestead in Springfield, Illinois, and were seen by millions. The pre-sale estimate for the trio is $40,000 – $70,000. Here are two of them.
Posted on February 5, 2009
