By Natasha Julius
Playoffs, bus rides and peace in our time. We’ll take a break from our devotional marathon to keep you updated on the latest events.
Market Update
You know it’s bad when Ron Paul is the only one making any sense.
Doomsday Dangle
Determined to squeeze every last drop of political nectar from the embarrassment of the mass transit funding crisis, Governor Rod Blagojevich has announced an expansion of his already unmanageable free-ride program. Under the new rules, fares will be waived for disabled riders in addition to senior citizens. The governor plans to announce next week that all such passengers will be allowed to ride free exclusively in CTA President Ron Huberman’s lap.
On the Mend
The beleaguered residents of the Middle East breathed a deep sigh of relief this week as the Great Decider announced he is finally ready to “fix this shit” before leaving office. Bush’s primary strategy to resolve the age-old struggle between Israelis and Palestinians appears to be starting another war just down the street.
National Favre League
Meanwhile, the NFL playoffs continue this weekend with tantalizing match-ups in the both the National and American conferences. Determined to score still more political points, Governor Blagojevich has announced Brett Favre will be given a free ride to the Super Bowl. In Ron Huberman’s lap.
Leg-Up
Still unsatisfied with the critical response to his mass transit bail-out, Governor Blagojevich is set to announce yet another expansion of his controversial free rides program.
Harlow Can You Go
Residents of Oklahoma City found unlikely inspiration in their struggle to lose 1 million pounds on 2008 with the announcement that diminutive starlet Nicole Ritchie has already shed half her body weight.
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Weekend Programming Note: “He is not a statesman,” House Speaker Michael Madigan says of the governor in a Fox Chicago Sunday interview. Right after he chides the governor on breaking a campaign promise to not raise taxes after calling on the governor to raise taxes. Somebody please call the DCFS – we have unattended children loose in Springfield.
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The Beachwood Tip Line: Weekend staff standing by.
Posted on January 12, 2008