By Natasha Julius
Editor’s Note: The Beachwood will return on Tuesday.
Have a safe and happy holiday, everyone, and choose your Michael Jacksons with care. If you’re driving, toast the King of Pop. For the rest of you, honor the King of Beer responsibly.
Market Update
Pants are down. Jigs are up.
Resignation Revelation
With the long-anticipated departure of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, the low-hanging fruit has been picked from the resignation prediction tree. Still, difficulty has never stopped the Weekend Desk before. We see a well-established pattern of cannily-released health issues and vague but continuous whiffs of scandal. Based on this, and informed by the dwindling number of candidates, we believe the next resignation will hit extremely close to home.
Mike Lofong
It appears the blatant campaigning for sympathy has once again paid off for disgraced former North Carolina prosecutor Mike Nifong. If nothing else, we’re pretty sure he’ll serve every painful minute.
Playground Tyranny
Illinois’ favorite whipping boy continued to take it on the chin from the bullies this week. And things are only going to get worse as he has now officially been bailed out by a girl. It’s going to be a long recess, Rod.
Drink Up
You know, in some more “vigilant” parts of the world, this would be considered terrorism.
Lazy Day Weekend
We’re dedicated to our work here at the Weekend Desk, but even we like to enjoy the odd barbecue. So this week, to lighten our load, we’ll supply you the joke and all you have to do is fill in the punch line. So you tell us: who was the benchmark for this?
Posted on September 1, 2007