The interns are working the field this weekend while Weekend Desk Editor Natasha Julius is on assignment.
Market Report
Regulators will consider halting trading this weekend upon vulnerabilities caused by volatile activity in Secret Governments combined with another big sell-off in Presidential Approval. Speculation of either a leveraged buy-out or hostile takeover of the market’s biggest customer has forced a special meeting to find ways to rally Democracy, even if that means propping it up using Artificial Measures.
Gitmo Going
Change of address cards are in the mail for prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, which is being closed after embarrassing the Bush Administration for the last time.
Tank Engine
The irony is that he was on the way to see his probation officer.
Secret Government
The Weekend Desk has assigned a subcommittee of investigators to peruse the newly released secret files of the CIA to identify the lamest assassination attempt of a foreign leader to finally settle that bar bet.
Sex and Drugs
The Weekend Desk is investigating the breakthrough behind the federal government’s latest study of sexual behavior and drug use based on “high-tech methods to solicit candid answers.” Is there a patent pending?
Crosstown Caper
The Weekend Desk will not be monitoring the rest of the Cubs-Sox series.
The FBI, however, will announce terrorist charges soon based on undercover conversations it captured on tape featuring rogue Chicagoans openly discussing their terror Cell, including phrases such as “blow it up.”
Week in Review
* The Papers.
* Joey “the Clown” Lombardo.
* Dear Todd Stroger.
* Minor League Report.
* What I Watched Last Night.
* T-Ball Journal.
* The Periodical Table.
* RockNotes.
Posted on June 23, 2007