By Natasha Julius
Sick of the Cubs? Can’t stomach the Sox? Thank goodness Major Lying Bastard season is in full – and perpetual – swing.
Market Update
Sadly, it’s looking like the whole Noble Ideas Index may collapse after this week as Community, Revitalization and Dignity were all subjects of a hostile takeover by Reality.
Churchill Downs
Semi-professional gasbag Rod Blagojevich continued his unpaid tour of media outlets this week, comparing himself on ABC News with Winston Churchill. By which he means, naturally, that he would’ve tried to shake down Gandhi if given half the chance.
Winston, Lose Some
As for Blagojevich’s Churchillian future, the Weekend Desk Research Department regrets to inform him that there is no Nobel Prize for profanity.
Beating the Rap
Meanwhile, the race for the 2010 Well-Intentioned Grandstander election got much less interesting this week as Wyclef Jean was officially ruled ineligible for the Misguided Party nomination. Analysts say Jean may switch to the Blowhard Party for the 2015 race, when he will likely challenge incumbent Sean Penn.
Blaze of Glory
Finally this week, medical science has at last confirmed what we all suspected: It’s all fun and games until someone strokes out.
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The Weekend Desk Tip Line: Stroke us.
Posted on August 21, 2010