By Natasha Julius
Don’t worry if you’re temporarily stranded in some God-forsaken part of town. We’ll keep an eye on the stories that matter for you.
Market Update
Investors reeled this week as the Honest Services market completely collapsed, dragging a lucrative export trade along with it.
On the Futures
Meanwhile, investors on the Humanity Futures exchange are turning bullish toward oil giant BP. Turns out, the cost of imperiling human life is pretty damn reasonable after all.
Pony Express
Suburban commuters have apparently realized the theoretical value of mass transit. Which means, of course, our magical CTA ponies will now have to wait for the RTA ponies to finish at the trough.
Unex-Beck-ted
Well, you have to give Fox News personality Glenn Beck credit for something. At least he admits he’s apologizing out of the fear of death rather than feigning remorse or anything.
His and Hermit
Finally this week, it should come as no surprise that embattled Hollywood heavyweight Mel Gibson has apparently turned to the Hermit Kingdom in his hour of need. After all, what better way to go nuclear with your wingnut rage than that?
–
Weekend Desk Tip Line: To serve and protect.
Posted on July 24, 2010