By Natasha Julius
You think your bracket’s a mess? We had Anne State in the Final Four.
Market Update
You know it’s bad when your local Jewel starts accepting payment in organs.
March Madness
The sickening sound of brackets busting rang out across the land again as top seeds Syracuse and Ohio State were sent packing. If your prognosticating skills aren’t exactly looking flawless, take heart: Experts stress the odds of picking a perfect bracket are worse than the odds of being struck by lightning. Of course, if you’re the Pope, you might like your chances.
Sticks and Stones…
A Chicago cab driver was arrested this week for allegedly consorting with known extremists and verbally encouraging the targeting of American lives. Which, apparently, is kind of illegal these days.
Keys to Success
This week Naperville proudly bestowed the key to the city on native son and gold-medalist Evan Lysacek. When asked his future competitive plans, the Vancouver hero was coy. However, analysts note with his intense grooming regimen, penchant for reality TV show participation and controversial lack of content, Lysacek might make a run for Governor of Illinois.
Portrait of the Artist
Finally this week, the Illinois House has voted to deny public funding for an official portrait of Rod Blagojevich. While some may view the move as petty and vindictive, sources close to the state’s crushing budget crisis say it is purely practical. After all, it’s not like we’ll have the funds to train a competent artist anyway.
Posted on March 27, 2010