By Natasha Julius
A bum ankle isn’t going to stop us from covering all the key stories this weekend.
Market Update
Due to the latest figures on U.S. unemployment, we have been forced to shed 10.2% of the words in this week’s
Eye for an Eye
Efforts to stem the brutal tide of unemployment are continuing this week, with Florida coach Urban Meyer declaring disgraced star linebacker Brandon Spikes will lose only 10.2% of his job. “After all,” the coach explained, “it’s not like he pulled the guy’s hair or anything.”
Creased Brows
The new economic realities have had troubling impacts north of the border as the Hockey Hall of Fame announced they will reduce this year’s incoming class by 10.2%. Of course, many point out 10.2% of the proposed inductees didn’t really earn it anyway.
Silver Lining
Major U.S. corporations are looking to spin the worse-than-expected job loss news in whatever way they can, pointing out pink-slipped employees will now have more time to queue up for swine flu vaccine.
Rageorgelina?
Finally this week, the impact of double-digit joblessness has been felt in all corners of society. Celebrity dictatorship Rajoelina was forced into an embarrassing power sharing agreement when harsh economic realities saw them lay off Joe Jonas. However, some analysts believe the move was prompted more by a desire to see the quirky, high-maintenance star replaced once economic pressures subside. “It’s no secret,” says one observer, “that they’ve been looking to upgrade their publicity liaison for quite some time.”
Posted on November 7, 2009