By Natasha Julius
Well, damn, now that Venus is out we’ve got nothing better to do but watch the news this weekend.
Change Watch
Shares in Subliminal Oligarchy rebounded strongly this week when it was announced that Czar will remain its Commander in Chief.
Boyle-ing Point
The rhetorical war between the United States and North Korea seems poised for a major escalation in the coming weeks. Sources close to Kim Jong Il say the reclusive leader will demand “a full Susan Boyle.” The Peerless Leader is said to admire the plucky Scot’s uniform popularity, telling close advisors, “maybe if I could pick off that adorable Hollie Steel, people would pay more attention to me.”
Belle-Mont Stakes
The Triple Crown lost one of this year’s jewels when owners of Preakness winner Rachel Alexandra announced she will not run at next week’s Belmont Stakes. The concerned carers say that their filly is simply tired after a full slate of spring races, and besides, she only gets three quarters of the carrots and sugar lumps her male competitors earn.
High-Seas Hamdemic
After months of turmoil due to the dreaded H1N1 influenza virus, scientists still aren’t sure which way the hamdemic will spread. They warn casualties in the coming weeks will include the most vulnerable members of society – the elderly, the very young, and anyone still dumb enough to take a cruise.
Mad Again
Finally this week, aspiring Illinois power broker Lisa Madigan has announced that duh.
Posted on May 30, 2009