By Natasha Julius
Sure, we’ll watch the key stories for you. It’s not like we’re locked in our homes rigid with fear or anything.
Change Watch
While the markets continued their long, slow recovery, Change itself took a bit of a beating. Turns out, recovery is still based on convincing people to spend money that they don’t actually have, just like the good old days.
New World Order
Now that the Hamdemic has been downgraded to a social disorder, scientists are on a mission to find the next contagious mammal. Early signs suggest the Bulls Fever currently gripping parts of the Midwest could soon go national.
Derby Season
It’s the first weekend in May, which means that the Run for the Robes is right around the corner. Experts are already predicting a possible long-shot, so without further ado here is your official Beachwood Reporter Supreme Derby odds sheet:
* Chicago schools CEO Ron Huberman. Let’s face it; once he’s steered his current ride through the Hamdemic, he’ll be ready for new turf. A bit of a reach at 5/1.
* Mark Buehrle. We all know he’s fast, but concerns about his ability to reach a decision late in the race could hinder him. Even money.
* Roland Burris. Ironically, backing him in this race may be the best way to convince him not to run in the future. Clear front runner at 2/9.
Re-Rogued
Finally this week, Triumvirate of Terror fans can take heart. It appears that at least one of the bitches is back. Big time.
–
KENTUCKY DERBY UPDATE: I Want Revenge was scratched this morning. Please consult the Beachwood’s Kentucky Derby Betting Guide for, um, guidance.
–
KENTUCKY DERBY SUNDAY NOTE: Just to show you how long of a longshot Mine That Bird was, our man on the rail said the horse “should not be in this race” in his preview. See how else we did.
–
NEW FROM THE BEACHWOOD SPORTS VIDEO DESK: “We Love Q!“
Posted on May 2, 2009