By Natasha Julius
We’re in the throes of full-tilt March Madness this weekend, but we’ll still try to watch some of the other top stories.
Change Watch
Analysts estimate some $12 billion will be wagered on this year’s NCAA tournament, which means we should all root like fuck for UNC. Just think how many bonuses could be repaid if President Obama pulls this one out.
Tar Heel Business
In related news, sources close to the administration say the uber-productive Tyler Hansbrough will be Obama’s next pick for Commerce Secretary when Gary Locke inevitably withdraws his name.
Fudging Illini
In related news, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn this week defended his fuzzy math concerning a proposed massive tax hike, putting the discrepancy down to Bracketology. “I had the Illini in the Sweet 16,” the governor remarked, “so my whole South regional is historically screwed.”
Elite Ate
In related news, researchers this week signaled an official end to the Bush-era Assault on Science by picking Hydrogel over Maggots.
Bracket Update
In related news, the International regional is shaping up to reward the chalk with vulnerable five seed America turning in an indifferent effort against the twelfth seed Iran. Meanwhile, top seed Holland progressed in an absolute no-brainer pick.
In Related News . . .
Duh.
Posted on March 21, 2009