By Natasha Julius
We’ll be watching all of the most riveting stories for you this weekend. Well, all except for this one. Because, seriously? Whoa.
Market Update
Good news for once this week: Turns out, there’s a quick, painless way to make all of this unpleasantness disappear. And it’s about to get way easier, too.
Final Four
The brackets have been whittled down in this year’s Dysfunctional Transportation Invitational and, amazingly, all four top seeds remain. We predict Trains will prevail against a rapidly-cooling Pedestrians team, but there’s no way the Choo-Choos have the power to take down the winner of an intriguing Big Auto/Airlines match-up.
Cafeteria Times
NATO this week officially invited two more first graders to sit at the Cool Kids’ Table, perks of which include the highly-sought protection of fifth-grade pugilist George W. Bush. Of course, Bush is somewhat preoccupied at the moment trying to make sure fellow graduating bully Vladimir Putin has his back once they both reach middle school.
Cafeteria Times, Part 2
In other news, we now know who’ll be catering the Cool Kids’ Table for the foreseeable future.
Paper Swoon
In other news, duh.
Truth in Advertising
Finally this week, given the salacious nature of the charges in question, this article is no where near as kinky as its headline suggests. Quit teasing us, Free Press.
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Programming Notes
– Miss this week’s Papers? Catch up here!
– And don’t forget, Division Street is open for business over the weekend.
Posted on April 5, 2008