By Natasha Julius
We won’t let you stumble around in the dark for more than a symbolic hour this weekend.
Market Update
New research suggests that a series of small shocks can improve the sense of smell. They’re right; most Americans can now perceive that the economy stinks.
Recycled Joke of the Week
In an effort to ease the pain of the recent economic slump, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson plans to announce a major overhaul of financial markets. Administration officials note the details of this plan will not be finalized before President Bush leaves office as he’s too busy fixing the Middle East.
Chicago 2016
Chicago’s Olympic efforts received a boost this week with the Illinois EPA’s announcement that we will run out of landfill space just in time for the Games. In response, the Chicago 2016 commission has announced the following new events:
Medal Events:
AOL Startup CD Discus
White Paper Rafting
Uneven Batteries
For Exhibition Only:
Curbside Recycling
New Blue
Top cop Jody Weis this week unveiled the latest phase in his Extreme Makeover: Police Edition, suggesting no stylish patrolman would roll in a cheesy Crown Vic. Weis envisions a fleet of infinitely more banging Chevy Tahoes to go along with snappy new flashlights and wicked sidearms. Observers predict Weis’s next move will be tackling the force’s growing hangnail problem. No unsuspecting Chicago barmaid will be round-housed by an unmanicured fist again.
Kiss of Death
Yeah, sure, Madge. That worked really well the last time.
Father of the Year
Finally this week, Patrick Roy apologized for sparking a bloody riot, saying if he had just controlled the situation better, his son could’ve been spared a lot of unpleasantness.
Posted on March 29, 2008