By Steve Rhodes
Due to technical problems, today’s column won’t be posted. We’re working to fix the issues. My e-mail service has also been temporarily interrupted, but as soon as it’s restored, I’ll be answering your messages again. Until then, thanks for your patience.
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“Scholars in antiquity began counting the ways that humans have sex, but they weren’t so diligent in cataloging the reasons humans wanted to get into all those positions,” the New York Times reports this morning in its Science Times section. “Darwin and his successors offered a few explanations of mating strategies – to find better genes, to gain status and resources – but they neglected to produce a Kama Sutra of sexual motivations.
“Perhaps you didn’t lament this omission. Perhaps you thought that the motivations for sex were pretty obvious. Or maybe you never really wanted to know what was going on inside other people’s minds, in which case you should stop reading immediately.
“For now, thanks to psychologists at the University of Texas at Austin, we can at last count the whys. After asking nearly 2,000 people why they’d had sex, the researchers have assembled and categorized a total of 237 reasons – everything from ‘I wanted to feel closer to God’ to ‘I was drunk.’ They even found a few people who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child.”
Springfield Shuttle
“State Employees Told To Show Up: Despite lack of budget, gov tells them to report for work.”
Can maybe one of them pick up the governor on the way?
Daley Shuffle
“There’s a whopping $217.7 million hole in [the mayor’s] 2008 budget that can only be filled with revenue hikes, layoffs, spending cuts, or a painful mix of all three,” the Sun-Times reports.
Four views:
1. “During the election year, everything is fine. The following year, when they sit down to negotiate contracts, there’s always a black hole,” said Fraternal Order of Police President Mark Donahue.
Memo to Donahue: Not entirely untrue, but it’s not always about you.
2. “Ald. Bernard Stone (50th) accused Chief Financial Officer Paul Volpe of shoving the bad news under the rug until after the election. ‘This doesn’t happen overnight,’ he said.”
Memo to Stone: Nobody shoves bad news under the rug without the permission of the mayor, so be a man and blame the guy at the top.
3. “Volpe countered, ‘We’ve always been open and honest. There’s nobody who could have predicted such a slowdown in the real estate market.”
Memo to Volpe: Yes, nobody saw that coming!
4. The mayor knew the city was in trouble but kept it from the public during his campaign because that’s what dishonest politicians do. Now he will use the bad news to club the police union and others into submission while letting Volpe take the heat. And he will skate by without ever being held accountable, fending off press questions because he knows he can do so without penalty. Result: We’ll all pay more, one way or another. And the mayor goes merrily along his way.
Filling a Hole
“I don’t know how we are going to make up for the shortfall, but we are going to have to find a way to do it,” Stone said.
A) Mayor reverses position; increases foie gras fines.
B) Hello, congestion tax!
C) Corruption Tax Stamps modeled after Drug Tax Stamps.
D) Bake sale.
City Council Follies
“16% of Chicago Aldermen Can’t Read a Calendar or Use a Computer,” the Better Government Association has found.
“Despite fairly simple and straightforward reporting standards, Aldermen Leslie Hairston and Willie Cochran have, as of today, failed to file their most recent semi-annual report of campaign contributions received between January 1st and June 30th. In addition, Aldermen Sandi Jackson, George Cardenas, Latasha Thomas, Howard Brookins, Billy Ocasio and Brendan Reilly failed to file their semi-annual reports by July 20th, the reporting deadline.
“Alderman Reilly has the dubious distinction of both filing late and filing on paper despite that fact he managed to file all other previous contribution reports electronically.
“‘The citizens of Chicago are expected to comply with all the various laws that Aldermen impose upon us every year and non-compliance usually results in a stiff fine or penalty. It would be nice if the Aldermen could lead by example and obey the laws that govern their campaign fundraising and reporting,’ said Jay Stewart, Executive Director of the BGA.”
Arresting Figures
“In the 11 years that Dick Devine has been state’s attorney we have charged at least one police officer a month. That’s more than 130 police officers who have been charged,” said Devine spokesman John Gorman.
Whoa. One a month? That sounds like a pretty rotten police department.
Michael “Sneed” Spilotro
Pat Spilotro, brother of Tony and Michael, told Sneed: “I promised my mother 21 years ago that I would find the men who did it; who butchered my brothers and tortured her sons.”
Apparently he didn’t promise the mothers of his brother’s victims the same thing.
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Meanwhile, unabashedly reported by Sneed, Pat Spilotro, the good brother, performed dental services for various members of the Outfit for 35 years.
Denmark Pissed
This (second item) is a parody of political incorrectness, right?
Camera Shy
The Tribune and other news organizations are protesting a new NFL policy requiring sideline photographers to wear the league’s corporate-sponsor emblazoned vests while working. The NFL’s media relations director wrote to the Tribune today that “The Reebok and Canon logos on the NFL vests are very small and not visible to the television audience.”
Then why are Reebok and Canon paying to have them there?
Remembrances
* “Ingmar Bergman found bleakness and despair as well as comedy and hope in his indelible explorations of the human condition,” according to Wikipedia. “He is regarded as one of the great masters of modern cinema.”
Also, Ingmar Bergman made a little-known film of the opera “The Magic Flute.” Our Marilyn Ferdinand has the story.
And, Michelangelo Antonioni, “whose films are widely considered as some of the most influential in film aesthetics,” is also dead.
* The Bill Walsh Coaching Tree.
* Conan O’Brien salutes Tom Snyder.
The Beachwood Tip Line: Any position you like.
Posted on August 1, 2007