By Steve Rhodes
“A B-52 bomber was mistakenly armed with six nuclear warheads and flown for more than three hours across several states last week, prompting the firing of one commander, Pentagon officials said Wednesday,” the Sun-Times notes in a brief on page 27.
Whoa!
What?
A B-52 was mistakenly armed with six nuclear warheads? And flew across several states? Didn’t anyone, um, notice?
And, um, which states?
*
Other news briefs at the top of that page: “Craig Starts Day 1 of Campaign to Save Job,” and “False Leads But No Sign of Steve Fossett.”
Geez, you’ve got the makings of a front page right there!
Unless you’ve got some important news from the mayor’s office you need to put out there instead.
Mother Goose
I read the Sun-Times first in the morning, then the Tribune and then the New York Times – you know, in order of intellectual exertion I’ll have to muster as I shake out the cobwebs – so I already had the above item written in my head before I turned to the Trib and saw that they indeed put the nuke story (via the Washington Post) across the top of its front page.
“An Air Force B-52 bomber carrying six cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads flew across the central United States last week after the nuclear weapons were mistakenly attached to the plane’s wing, defense officials said Wednesday,” the Post reports.
What, the ground crew thought they were attaching luggage canisters?
“The munitions squadron commander” – pictured here – “was relieved of his duties.”
But the editor of the Sun-Times will retain his.
Twin Killings
The Sun-Times pairs photos – and stories – of two criminal suspects under the headline of “The Look of Hate” today.
Suspects.
You know, people who aren’t convicted yet.
Tattoo You
The Sun-Times felt it relevant to note that John Haley, who is charged with the murder of a fisherman who drowned after Haley allegedly pushed him into the lake at Montrose Harbor on Saturday, has tattoos on his neck and forearms.
You know, like most murderers.
Get out of the newsroom much?
*
Mary Mitchell also notes that Haley is “heavily tattooed,” in fact using that description right in front of the word “loser.”
Nice.
Mitchell argues that Haley is guilty of a hate crime – by her definition.
Fortunately, the criminal justice system doesn’t go by Mary Mitchell’s Book of Legal Definitions.
The reports so far say that Haley was looking to push someone – anyone – into the lake. That doesn’t constitute a hate crime, and it may not even constitute first-degree murder by the time this thing is done.
Visa Secrets
The Family Secrets jury asked the judge on Wednesday for a definition of the word “usurious.”
The judge sent them back this.
Brainy Bloc
The following aldermen voted against the mayor’s proposal establishing a compliance office designed to undermine the effectiveness of the new inspector general:
– Fioretti
– Preckwinkle
– Hairston
– Jackson
– Munoz
– Moore
The rest sold you out.
Target Product of the Week
Deer Wine Holder.
Product Placement of the Week
Megabus.
Hey, it’s not the first time!
Flippers
“One of Chicago’s top city planners agreed to buy a town home from politically connected developer Tony Rezko, even as her agency was deciding whether Rezko would be allowed to expand the project,” the Sun-Times reports.
The culprit: Rosemarie Andolino, the director of the mayor’s O’Hare Modernization boondoggle.
This Rosemarie Andolino:
* “[A] former Water Department personnel director, Phyllis Bergthold, testified that Rosemarie Andolino, now executive director of the O’Hare Modernization Program, was present in some IGA meetings where Bergthold got names from Sorich of political workers who should get jobs or promotions. Andolino worked in IGA then.”
* “Andolino is the latest in a clique of former Victor Reyes proteges to be rewarded with powerful City Hall posts.”
And this O’Hare modernization.
Rover Reilly
New downtown alderman Brendan Reilly says the new ordinance that he co-sponsored allowing dogs to dine at sidewalk cafes will “go a long way to restoring our prestige as one of the most dog-friendly cities in America.”
A) And will increase our chances of landing the Doggie Olympics
B) Which is one of my top priorities, after landmark preservation
C) And will seal the deal with that new Doggie PAC
Market Swing
“Descent Seen for Airfares.”
– Tribune, Sept. 4
“Southwest Raises Its Airfares; United, Other Rivals Follow Suit.”
– Tribune, Sept. 5
Fill in the Blank
Except give him a penis.
The Beachwood Tip Line: Show your love.
Posted on September 6, 2007