By Marty Gangler
Meet Kris Bryant.
- He knows where Clark the Cub’s pants are.
- He can Woo better than Ronnie Woo-Woo.
- He can still see home plate from any rooftop.
- He can turn Budweiser into Old Style.
- His moon-shot home runs actually hit the moon.
- His outs are so beautiful that they are ruled hits.
- There are geometric theorems based on his line drives.
- He knows who smashed the boom box.
- He can make even Tom Ricketts seem competent.
He is the most interesting prospect in the world.
–
The Week in Review: The Cubs went 3-3 for the week, winning two of three from the Reds and losing two of three to the Padres. But you have to note that the Reds started Jason Marquis one game, which is just kinda telling everyone that they are not actually trying. Is there another Kris Bryant available in this year’s draft?
The Week in Preview: The Cubs head out for four against the Pirates and three against the Reds. But it’s really just two against the Reds and another exhibition against Jason Marquis.
The Second Basemen Report: Arismendy Alcantara started one game this week with Jonathan “Who?” Herrera getting the other five starts. Herrera impressed no one with his Darwin Barney-like 3-for-19 (including one start at third) with no walks. It’s kind of like the Cubs sorta planned on someone else playing second base at this point. Have to think that with this little output you might as well let Javy Baez strike out three of four at-bats and hit a homer the other time.
In former second basemen news, Ryne Sandberg last played second base for the Cubs in 1997. These days Ryne is holding on for dear life as manager of the Phillies during a lost season of roster rebuilding. So he’s kinda like Dale Sveum and/or Ricky Renteria. And all of them are missed.
Mad(don) Scientist: Despite a free agent ace pitcher looking like a waste of money and nothing coming from a couple positions on the field, Big Joe has the Cubs over .500 and looking OK.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of Hope traded lower as the unveiling of the new messiah did not turn into W’s.
Kubs Kalender: Wait ’til next year’s second baseman.
Over/Under: The number of games Mike Olt has left with the Cubs: +/- .5.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Kris Bryant situation was not handled correctly.
–
Marty Gangler is our man on the Cub. He welcomes your comments.
Posted on April 20, 2015