By Marty Gangler
As this magical season keeps moving on I’m constantly hearing of all the things the Cubs have done for the first time in ____. Like the last time the Cubs were 14-5 to start the season was 1969, and some other year I think. I just can’t care about these things. They seem so meaningless because the Cubs have been so bad for so long. It’s almost laughable. But with this in mind we here at The Cub Factor have put together our own type of list.
* The last time the Cubs were this good history was still at World War 0.
* The last time the Cubs scored this much the A’s were still playing in Philadelphia and the chocolate chip cookie had just been invented.
* The last time Cubs pitchers were this good the Cubs hadn’t even won their last World Series.
* The last time the Cubs were this good goats were still allowed in the ballpark.
* The last time the Cubs were this good Steve Bartman’s great-great-grandparents were interfering with foul balls.
* The last time the Cubs were this good the Ricketts family had just formed a Super PAC for Herbert Hoover.
* The last time the Cubs were this good the bros in Wrigleyville wore fedoras unironically.
* The last time the Cubs were this good a Daley had not yet been mayor.
* The last time Cubs tickets cost this much was 2015.
Week in Review: The Cubs went 5-2 for the week, taking two of three from the Cardinals and three of four from the Reds. In the process, they scored an assload of runs, which is even more than a buttload. Like crazy amounts of runs. Like so crazy they need to be committed to a mental hospital. Oh, and Jake Arrieta pitched his first no-hitter of the season.
Week in Preview: The wunderkinds head home this week for three each against the Brewers and Braves. So you should know it’s not going to be a cakewalk all season against the lowly Reds – because the Brew Crew and Braves are even worse than Cincinnati. Time to get fat, boys.
Musical Outfielders: And no, we aren’t talking about Matt Szczur playing the French horn. Big takeaway this week is that Kris Bryant had three starts in left. Jorge Soler had three as well, with Szczur getting the other one. Soler also got a start in right and managed to go 2-for-18 with seven strikeouts and one walk. And the Cubs still scored a dump truck full of runs. Something has got to change there or there will be changes . . . what?
Former Annoying Cub Of The Week: One of the big stories the first week of the season was the hot hitting of Starlin Castro, who quickly endeared himself to Yankees fans. We knew better. Good ol’ Starlin’s one-week BA of .400 is now down to .258, and that’s no longer considered a “hot start.” I would consider it a “Starlin Castro.” He is not missed.
Current Annoying Cub Of The Week: I wanted to hate on Tommy La Stella a bit because he seemed to keep getting playing time yet not doing anything with it. Sure he was hurt last season, but even when he wasn’t hurt he bugged me. But he’s raking right now and I like the lineup with him in there and Bryant in left. So that makes Soler the annoying one.
Mad(don) Scientist: Big Poppa Joe’s charity t-shirt was banned from Busch Stadium, which will only be good for t-shirt sales. Oh, and Joe is planting seeds to make sure everyone knows why he’s going to be playing Javy Baez more and more. Oh, and where’s the bouncy house? We are due for something soon, right?
Kubs Kalender: On Saturday the Cubs will be giving away Ron Santo replica statues, which would be a lot better if you could pull a string in his back and hear this.
Over/Under: The number of starts until Arrieta gets another no hitter: +/- 4.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that _____.
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Marty Gangler is The Cub Factor. He welcomes your comments.
Posted on April 25, 2016