By Marty Gangler
Now that Mark DeRosa’s homecoming weekend is over, we here at The Cub Factor would like to note some of the things The Greatest Ex-Cub In History failed to accomplish in his return to Chicago.
Mark DeRosa did not:
* Buy that guy behind you a round of Old Styles last inning.
* Get you out of that lame Fourth of July barbecue you’ve been roped into.
* Help your brother in-law’s friend move.
* Develop a swine flu vaccine.
* Stand up to Iran.
* Select the perfect wine to go with your pork chops.
* Resolve our state’s budget crisis.
* Reach 51 RBIs for the season.
Week In Review: The Cubs went 4-1, splitting a two-game set with the White Sox and sweeping three from the worst team in the American League, the Cleveland Indians. Kevin Gregg looked better than Kerry Wood, though Mark DeRosa looked better on the bench than Milton Bradley did in the field.
Week In Preview: The Cubs play a make-up game in Atlanta on Monday,head to Detroit for three during the week, and finish with three against the White Sox on the South Side. Mark DeRosa doesn’t play for any of those teams, so the week will kind of be a let-down.
The Second Basemen Report: Five games and four starts from Andy White (Andres Blanco) at the keystone sack. Yes, Andres Blanco is the regular second baseman these days. Andres Blanco. The Cubs payroll is like a billion dollars and Andres Blanco is the starting second baseman. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second baseman news, Mark DeRosa has 50 RBIs. He is missed. Ronnie Cedeno is not.
Zam Bomb: Big Z remains furious despite the rousing reception he still gets from his Wrigleyville enablers and his new role as first pinch-hitter off the bench.
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Lost In Translation: Jake-san Fox is Japanese for E6.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Kerry Wood for Strike Anywhere Matches, when you want to start a fire.
Milton Bradley Game of the Week: Pass the Bomb.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 50% Sweet, 50% Sour. Lou is up five points on the Sweet-O-Meter as well as his EKG. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou knows you and he are heavy favorites in the family baggo tourney against cousin Lewis and Auntie Trudy, but Lou likes to win and doesn’t care if it might make them cry.
Don’t Hassle the Hoff: All he does is hit. Okay, pinch hit. And that’s a hassle.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Cubs still don’t have a legitimate third baseman.
Over/Under: Churros sold at the Cell this weekend: +/- quite a few. (Note: Try the churros, people. They good.)
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Now with a weekly Cubs Snub.
Fantasy Fix: Interleague Impact.
Mount Lou: – A change in weather pattern philosophy may have paid short term dividends to villagers near Mount Lou. That doesn’t mean an eruption will occur, but probably not this week.
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Posted on June 22, 2009