By Marty Gangler
Right when we were about to describe Hurricane Carlos as potentially devastating but more full of hype than destructive power, the Cubs’ major storm system wiped out the Astros without giving up a hit. Which got us to thinking: What if hurricanes were named after Cubs players?
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Hurricane Mark. This hurricane can strike in any region of the country or appear as a tornado or earthquake, depending on your needs.
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Hurricane Mike: A tiny storm with deceiving power. Shows up when Hurricane Mark is elsewhere.
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Hurricane Aramis: This hurricane has been known to change direction for no reason at all.
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Hurricane Matt: Can usually be found wandering around Ohio.
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Hurricane Alfonso: Devastating winds but often ends with a whimper.
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Hurricane Jim: A strong summer but starting to peter out. May be downgraded to an occasional thunderstorm.
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Hurricane Kosuke: No longer on the radar.
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The Week in Review: The Cubs took two of three from the Cardinals before last night’s excellent Miller Park adventure.
The Week in Preview: The Cubs play one more game against the Astros in Milwaukee, then return to Wrigley for a three-games set against . . . the Brewers. The Cardinals are scheduled in town after that, but if it rains again that series might just be simulated on the Internet.
The Second Basemen Report: Mighty Mike Fontenot got two starts, Ronnie Cedeno got one and Mark DeRosa got one, though DeRosa is also getting starts in right field. Just like Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Ron Santo last played second base for the Cubs in 1972. It’s true, look it up. It was also probably the last time he knew a whole lot about baseball. That’s also true, just listen to him. He is missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z is furious. Furiously awesome!
Endorsement No-Brainer: Lou Piniella for Greyhound: When you absolutely have to be there before game time.
Lost in Translation:– Kosuke Fukudome is Japanese for “Who?”
Sweet and Sour Lou: 66% sweet, 34% Sour. Lou is up six points on the Sweet-O-Meter this week because Big Z is back. And like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou knows your piano playing is getting a lot of buzz, but what really matters is your recital in a few weeks. So keep practicing. But go get him a Falstaff first.
Center Stage: The Cub Factor would like to welcome Felix “Corey” Pie back into the mix. It’s nice to have a pinch-running specialist off the bench, just like Hendry drew it up.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Astros really aren’t the home team in Milwaukee.
Over/Under: The amount of water in my basement this week: +/- way too much.
Mount Lou: Lou’s angry boiling surface is mostly calm and solid once again. Expect Lou to blow off some “clinch” steam very soon.
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Posted on September 15, 2008