By Marty Gangler
If the Cubs could only play the Pittsburgh Pirates and Washington Generals, er, Nationals, every week they would make their $300 million off-season investment stand up. These teams suck. And the worst team in the league last year – the Cubs – just beat them silly. Well, beat them ugly, in some cases, but beat them just the same, five of six games in all. The Cubs may be on a roll, relatively speaking, but you almost have to feel sorry for their poor, pathetic victims.
The Pirates, after all, have a proud tradition – think Clemente and Stargell – and a cool-ass ballpark. The Nationals consistently put good teams on the field when they were the Montreal Expos, despite one of the worst management situations in pro sports. Now they’re just fodder to jump-start the false hopes of Cubs fans.
The Washington Generals comparison is apt – these are teams built to lose. The real question is whether the Cubs come anywhere close to comparing with the Globetrotters. Let’s take a look.
Globetrotters: Mostly tall.
Cubs: Thirteen players on their 25-man roster are 6’2″ or taller.
Globetrotters: Sweet Lou Dunbar.
Cubs: Sweet Lou Piniella.
Globetrotters: Lineup not constructed to play real basketball games.
Cubs: Lineup not constructed to play real baseball games.
Globetrotters: Players sometimes bounce ball off heads.
Cubs: Ball sometimes bounces off players’ heads.
Globetrotters: Players dribble the basketball in a circle.
Cubs: Players circle under baseball.
Globetrotters: Unaffected by cold weather.
Cubs: Affected by cold weather.
Globetrotters: Attracts a loyal fan base more interested in entertainment than the actual game at-hand.
Cubs: Attracts a loyal fan base more interested in entertainment than the actual game at-hand.
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Week in Review: The Cubs went 5-1 this week, taking two of three from the Pirates and sweeping the Nationals. And they should of won the game they lost – a 3-2 heartbreaker in Pittsburgh. The Cubs are on a five-game winning streak and has won eight of nine. Wins are wins but beating the Pirates and Nats is like beating eggs with a wisk – it takes a little energy but you expect to have breakfast.
Week in Preview: Three more against the Pirates at home and then the start of a seven-game East Coast road trip with a three-game set against a struggling but talented Philadelphia Phillies team. The week looks good on paper, but the game is played on a grass/dirt combination.
Second Basemen Report: The Cub Factor would like to welcome Alfonso Soriano to his natural position. Soriano played second on Sunday in the 10th inning against the Nationals when Uncle Lou ran out of players at the two positions that are most overstocked: outfielders and second basemen. Ryan Theriot was at short, Mark DeRosa was pulled from right field in a double-switch, Ronnie Cedeno was on a bus to Iowa, Diamond Daryle Ward had to find someone’s mitt to play left field, right fielder Jacque Jones started in center, shifted to right with Felix Pie in center, and then back to center as Pie came out and left fielder Matt Murton played right. Also, Jason Marquis was used as a pinch runner for Cliff Floyd, and Henry Blanco as a pinch hitter for Ryan Dempster.
In former second baseman news, former Cub Mickey Morandini played his final game on October 1, 2000 for the Toronto Blue Jays. He makes his home in Valparaiso, Indiana, where he runs a stationery shop with his wife, Peg. He is missed.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 54% sweet and 46% sour. Lou is up 5 points on the Sweet-O-Meter this week. Beating really bad teams makes any manager happy.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that the Cubs will not win as many games when the schedule gets tougher.
Over/Under: Number of demotions for Felix Pie this week: +/- .5
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Mount Lou: Magma has cooled. But continual shifting of outfielders and two-hole hitters will eventually disrupt Lou’s tectonic plates and internal pressure will build. Next eruption likely in Philadelphia.
Posted on May 7, 2007