By Marty Gangler
The Cubs could of really stuck a huger fork into the Redbirds this weekend with a sweep but it didn’t happen. Even so, the feathered foul from St Louis has been dipped in egg batter, rolled in a flour seasoning mixture and is about to be thrown into the fryer. But looking at this team, you have to wonder how they’ve stuck around for so long. Most commentators give credit to the supposed genius of Tony LaRussa and his pitching coach/designated driver Dave Duncan. But are these two guys really that good? We here at The Cub Factor don’t think so and have a few theories as to why the Cardinals are better than they should be.
* Tony LaRussa went down to the Crossroads.
* LaRussa and Duncan are managing on HGH.
* A series of specially placed mirrors shrouded in smoke.
* Old-time hockey.
* Pitchers going through Tommy John surgery are actually given Tommy John’s arms.
* Whole team took Tony Robbins courses in off-season.
* New inspiring team slogan of “change.”
* Team MVP will get slot on Dancing With the Stars.
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Week in Review: The Cubs took two of three from Houston and two of three from the Cardinals. Two out of three ain’t bad.
Week in Preview: The Cubs travel to Atlanta and South Florida.
The Second Basemen Report:Mark DeRosa started five of six at second but he rarely stayed there. Uncle Lou changes second basemen more often during a game than Jiffy Lube changes oil. Okay, it’s getting late in the season, cut me some slack. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second basemen news, Joe Morgan was never a Cub but is still a douchebag. He is not missed.
The Zam Bomb: Serving up more homers than he can hit makes Big Z furious. So, he moves to furious.
Lost in Translation: Fukufadeo is Japanese for a player’s season-long fade into obscurity.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 64% sweet, 37% sour. Lou is up four points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to winning two more series’. And just like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is feeling pretty good these days. The beer is cold, he’s winning at the track, and he spent his stimulus check getting his golf clubs regripped.
Center Stage: It really is okay to embrace Jim Edmonds, Cub fans. You can even call him Jimmy. Or J-Ed.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that it won’t be lack of talent that will cause this year’s Cubs collapse.
Over/Under: The amount this season will matter if the Cub don’t win it all: +/- not much.
Mount Lou: Lou moves down to level green. Things have been so peaceful on the surface of Mount Lou that villagers have begun to think that the volcano has gone completely dormant. But don’t be fooled, there’s still old man anger lava coursing through Mount Lou. We may not see it this week, but we’ll see it.
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Posted on August 11, 2008