By Marty Gangler
Another week in the books and more proof that the Cubs manufacture runs like, well, like a thing that doesn’t manufacture things very good. Sure they got a few wins, but it took them forever. Three extra-inning victories this week prove little to show this team is ready to contend for the World Series. But a few things have happened so far this season that are really surprising. Like being able to count on Ryan Dempster. Yeah, Dempster has been lights out through two outings. But should we count on that continuing for the rest of the season? I don’t really think so. With this in mind, we here at the Cub Factor would like to list a few other things that you shouldn’t count on either.
* The war in Iraq ever ending.
* Kerry Wood’s right arm. Or left toe. Whatever.
* Todd Stroger growing a brain.
* Aramis Ramirez running the bases as hard as he swings the bat.
* K-Fed, Madonna or Heather Mills saving Britney Spears.
* The (non-)situational hitting of Alfonso Soriano.
* Pete Wentz unpressing his hair.
* Felix Pie being at least the next Corey Patterson.
* A straight answer from Richard M. Daley.
* Daryle Ward with a glove.
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Week in Review: The Cubs swept 3 from the Pirates then lost 2 of 3 to the Phillies to go 4-2 for the week. Not a bad week, but 3 wins came in extra innings. And beating the Pirates in extra innings is kind of like losing.
Week in Preview: The men in blue come home to welcome Dusty Baker and the Reds for 3 games and 3 more with the crappy Pirates. Let’s hope the weather is cold so both managers will have an excuse in the Reds series.
The Second Basemen Report: Mark DeRosa started four games at second this week; Ronnie Cedeno and Mighty Mike Fontenot started one each. DeRosa also got a start in right field, while Fontenot’s hot start (he leads the team in hitting!) may give earn him more playing time at the second sack. Just like Jim Hendry drew it up.
In former second baseman news, Gary Woods played one game at second base for the Cubs in 1983. Gary was the hitting coach of the 2006 National Baseball Congress champion Santa Barbara Foresters. He is missed.
Zam Bomb: Another poor play behind him in the field and it’s time to call the bomb squad.
Lost in Translation: Tud Lillie-san is Japanese for petrified cow dung.
Sweet and Sour Lou: 75% sweet, 25% sour. Lou is down 2 more points on the Sweet-O-Meter due to leaving way too many runners on base. And like your real crazy drunk uncle, Lou is glad you got your driver’s license but you’re not ready to drive his 1967 GTO. ou’re not ready for the big time yet, junior.
Center Stage: Reed Johnson looks as if he’s the Cubs starting centerfielder going forward as he got the nod in 4 of 6 games this week. Felix Pie started one game and Kosuke Fukodome started the other. Expect the Cubs to get another centerfielder before long and send Pie back for more seasoning. Just like Henrdy drew it up.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by the The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that Dusty Baker will be a net loss for the Reds.
The Cub Factor: Catch up with them all.
Over/Under: The number of times during the Reds series that Cub fans will be happy they no longer have Dusty managing their team +/- 18
With Apologies To Nena: 99 Years of Cub Losses (99 Jahre von Bengeln Verlusten).
Mount Lou: Lack of the big hit has Mount Lou hovering at yellow. Pressure should build this week and Mount Lou will show the first cracks in the surface. Expect smoke to billow sometime Wednesday in the first three innings.
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Marty eagerly awaits your comments!
Posted on April 14, 2008