By Marty Gangler
Whew. Thank goodness for that. The last thing we needed was for the Cubs to use the All-Star break as a “recharge” period.
Sure, they had a couple days off, but they picked up back exactly where they left off. Which was horrible.
Any kind of glimmer of hope could really put the kibosh on trading away a few of these bums. And yes, we could get other bums in return – we probably will – but at least they’ll be different bums and at this point of the season different is kind of okay. Or at least better than what we see every day.
After all, when your team worships Jeff Baker, it pretty much means you stinks.
Week in Review: The Cubs lost three of four to the Marlins in Cub-like fashion, blowing leads in some losses and getting trounced in others. It’s like the All-Star break never happened!
The Week in Preview: The Cubs face Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee in the first two of three against the Phillies, then face the Astros in a big showdown of the worst two teams in the league. Then Bud Selig will suspend the entire organization in the best interests of baseball.
The Second Basemen Report: Darwin Barney started all four games and went 1-13 with no walks. Wouldn’t the untouchable Jeff Baker do better than that? After all, that’s how Jim Hendry is drawing it up.
In former second basemen news, Mark DeRosa had a double in a rehab stint this week. Seeing as how there might not be room on the Ginats roster for him, maybe he will become available, and then he would not be missed.
The Zam Bomb: Big Z got knocked around in his comeback from the DL and is Getting Angry. He is due.
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Marlon Byrd Supplemental Report: Conte has been injecting Marlon with “Marlon Byrd” which makes him play like Marlon Bryd. Thanks, Conte.
Lost in Translation: Davio Bushino is Japanese for REALLY make it f’n stop and just get a few kids in there for the love of god.
Endorsement No-Brainer: Carlos Marmol for Genie garage door openers, because he sure can’t close anything.
Sweet and Sour Quade: 85% sweet,15% sour. Mike stands pat again this week because he has no answers. And just like your previously thought-to-be well-adjusted uncle, we all thought he still lived at home with his mother because he loved her and she needed him and he just hadn’t found the right woman of his own to be his wife, but now what seemed gentlemanly is starting to feel creepy.
Ameritrade Stock Pick of the Week: Shares of BP traded higher this week. And by “BP” we mean Bum Pitchers Dave Bush fills Doug Davis’s spot in between Rodrigo Lopez and Ramon Ortiz.
Over/Under: The number of horribly bad over-the-hill reclamation project pitchers the Cubs will sign the rest of the season: +/- 2.5.
Beachwood Sabermetrics: A complex algorithm performed by The Cub Factor staff using all historical data made available by Major League Baseball has determined that a pitching match up of Halladay vs. Lopez does not look good on paper, on the field, or on Mars.
Farm Report: Bryan LaHair is kidding himself.
The Cub Factor: Unlike Soriano, you can catch ’em all!
The White Sox Report: Know the enemy.
Get Your Gangler On: Follow Marty on Twitter.
Note For Readers Used To Seeing The Mount Lou Alert System Here: When manager Mike Quade shows any signs of, well, really anything abnormal, we will be all over it with some kind of graph or pictorial depiction of whatever it is, but until this guy shows something besides just being a normal, thoughtful, intelligent guy, we got next to nothing on him. We are hoping he shows something and kinda hoping he doesn’t also, know what I mean? BUT HE IS GETTING MUCH CLOSER . . . You might say he’s going Quckoo.
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Posted on July 17, 2011