By David Rutter
David Rutter revives his late, great “The Week in WTF” column for this special edition.
WTF Redux No. 1: Oh, hello there. We just awoke from our coma, and now we remember why Guv Blago was the “King Scumbucket” before the Royal Highness Orange Sleazeball showed up to torture the country. Bogey and Bergman will always have Paris, but when we forget why grotesque media pandering makes us hurl large chunks, we’ll always have Blago’s coming home circus this week.
Must we belabor the obvious? Yes, we must, and we will. He’s an unrepentant, arrogant crook. He likes people to genuflect. He’s the essential partner in sleazebucketness that Trump would free on an unsuspecting, ignorant world. They were created for each other. If there is a gawd, he or she has an ironical sense of humor.
WTF Redux No. 2, Chuck Goudie as Media Hero?: Let’s re-vote on that canonization. We’ve been asleep for some years, but when did a TV reporter talking to a media hog like Blago become the reincarnation performance of Edward R. Murrow? (Go back to sleep, Ed. We’ll take it from here).
Only in Chicago does an investigative reporter take a selfie with an impeached felon like he’s a young kid meeting Michael Jordan. pic.twitter.com/uecWX78nrb
— John Fritchey (@johnfritchey) February 19, 2020
It’s Your Fault, America. Why did you torment our noble governor?
WTF Redux No. 3, Daddy Dearest: While Blago wrapped himself in the cloak of welcome-home-beloved daddy, he has never apologized for trying to extort $50,000 from Children’s Memorial Hospital before he’d turn over state money. He was using taxpayer money – your money – to keep kids from medical care so he could make more cash for himself. If you are tempted to forgive, say that sentence again to yourself. Yes, it’s a chunk-hurler.
Selling Obama’s Senate seat was drearily predictable. Holding dying kids hostage? That’s a special kind of Mengele evil.
WTF Redux No. 4, Mark Vargas: We ask – honestly ask – What The Royal Ef is a “clemency expediter?” Is it like a chicken sizer? Or a hog castration coordinator? That’s what media throat-clearing Internet person Robert Feder called Mark Vargas in the middle of the Barnum, Blago and Bailey show. The man in question was sitting next to Blago in Seat C7 on the plane from prison, all the while texting as Goudie chirped away. Sleazebucket and Vargas were together, it seems.
You still don’t know what he is, except that he springs from Judson University in Elgin and he apparently is a fixer/promoter for, well, we just can’t tell from Google. But we’d bet it involves getting Blago resettlement money. How would Patti feel about Blago being on The Bachelor?
WTF REDUX NO 5., DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HiS-TORY: This won’t come up much in the Sleazebucket Resurrection Tour. But WTF recalls that evil prosecutors did not convict Blago. A jury of his Illinois peers heard Empty Suit’s schtick eight years ago and thought, well, no he’s not a victim of anything but his own greed and lack of morals. He’s the previous incarnation of Jussie Smollett.
And speaking of ignorance, despite what Herr Trump proclaimed, Blago also was not a victim of plots by FBI Evil Genius James Comey.
Comey wasn’t even working for the FBI during the Guv Scumbucket Episode.
Comey also didn’t have Teamster Chieftain James Hoffa buried in a concrete submarine.
WTF offers a $2 bonus prize if you know Hoffa’s middle name without looking it up.
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Recently from David Rutter:
* Kris Bryant’s Future Bar Trick.
* Mansplaining To A Millionaire.
* Status Check: Chicago Sports.
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David Rutter is the former publisher/editor of the Lake County News-Sun, and more importantly, the former author of the Beachwood’s late, great “The Week In WTF” column. He welcomes your comments.
Posted on February 20, 2020