Chicago - A message from the station manager

By Steve Rhodes

“Despite being the third debate in the same number of weeks, the Fox News/Google-organized debate last Thursday night clocked in as the most-watched debate on television of the 2012 cycle, and netted Fox News its high-rated primetime hour this year,” Mediaite reports.
Let’s take a look. This transcript edited for clarity and comedy.
BRET BAIER: What makes this debate unique is that not only did you submit the questions, you voted on them, letting everyone know which questions you think the candidates should be asked tonight.
RHODES: Of course, those using the finest tuned SEO strategies had their questions rise to the top. Plus, a lot of Santorum questions for some reason.

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Posted on September 25, 2011

Mystery Tea Party Debate Theater

By Steve Rhodes

This transcript has been edited for sanity, clarity and comedy.
CNN: Tonight, eight candidates, one stage, one chance to take part in a groundbreaking debate. The Tea Party support and the Republican nomination, on the line right now.
RHODES: Seven candidates go home!
*
WOLF BLITZER: And welcome to the Florida State Fairgrounds here in Tampa , the site of the first ever Tea Party/Republican presidential debate.
One year from now, right here in Tampa, the Republican National Convention will nominate the Republican candidate for president of the United States.
Candidates, please take your podiums. And while you do, I want to tell all of our viewers, everyone here a little bit more about how this debate will work.
RHODES: I will ask the most obvious questions that have been asked many times before and will be again. You will respond by repeating the rehearsed statements you and your advisors have been working on regardless of the question. I will fail to follow-up and you will pretend this is a real debate. Later, my news colleagues and peers will write and produce news stories and segments that also pretend something important happened here tonight, as if this wasn’t a staged pseudo-event designed for TV for the benefit of select interests.
Of course, if you say something that could be interpreted as a “gaffe,” no matter how inconsequential, we will blow it out of proportion in order to develop a narrative reflecting what we secretly think about you but are unwilling to report as news. True or not, you will then have to live with it. Is everyone ready?
BLITZER: Governor Huntsman, we’ll begin with you.

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Posted on September 14, 2011

Mystery GOP Debate Theater 2011: Simi Valley

By Steve Rhodes

Once again our Mystery Debate Theater team gathered at Beachwood HQ . . . well, not really. I went solo on Wednesday night. This transcript edited for clarity and comedy.
NBC’s BRIAN WILLIAMS: Tonight, from the Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation and Library, in a place dedicated to the memory of this Republican icon, in the 100th year after his birth, we will hear from the eight candidates who would like to claim his legacy.
RHODES: Hey, that’s mean!
WILLIAMS: Thank you especially for joining us here in this spectacular space, this spectacular presidential library, where we are all gathered under the wings of Air Force One.
RHODES: And to celebrate Ronald Reagan’s legacy, this is the Air Force One used in the movie, not the real one.

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Posted on September 8, 2011

Mystery Mayoral Debate Theater

By The Beachwood Mystery Debate Theater Team

Once again the Beachwood Mystery Debate Theater team of Steve Rhodes, Tim Willette and Andrew Kingsford gathered at Beachwood HQ to bring you the absolute best debate analysis bar none of the big Chicago Tribune/City Club debate moderated by editorial page editor Bruce Dold and WGN anchor Micah Materre.
Well, actually not quite. Despite Tim’s plan to surprise us with Big Flats beer (broken here more than a month ago and now finally starting to show up in the lamestream media) and Andrew’s plan to surprise us with a Red Baron pizza, we ended up having to watch from our separate domiciles, or residences, or homes. Depending on your definition of each.
Me and Tim still managed to wring some funny out of the proceedings. Let’s take a look. (Edited for clarity and comedy.)

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Posted on January 28, 2011

Mystery Senate Debate Theater

By Steve Rhodes

In which I talk back to the transcript. Edited for clarity and sanity.
ABC News Illinois Senate Debate/October 19, 2010
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Joining me in the questions tonight, ABC 7’s Charles Thomas, political writer Carrie Lester of the Daily Herald and Andy Shaw, executive director of The Better Government Association, long-time reporter for WLS, as well. Each candidate will have an opening statement of one minute each. They had a draw. Alexi Giannoulias, you go first.
ALEXI GIANNOULIAS: Thank you. This has been a tough and at times very negative campaign. But there is a lot at stake. Because of this devastating recession people across the state have lost their jobs, have lost their homes and are struggling just to make ends meet. Tragically, the decisions in Washington, D.C. over the last decade have made things worse. Exploding budget deficits. Shipping jobs overseas. A failure to address our environmental challenges. Why in the world would we send the same people who created this mess back to Washington, D.C.?
RHODES: Therefore, I am announcing today that I will not support Barack Obama for re-election in 2010. And don’t even get me started on Dick Durbin.
GIANNOULIAS: You may not always agree with me, but you will always know where I stand.
RHODES: For example, you may not agree with it, but you will always know when I am dodging questions about Broadway Bank.
*
ANDY SHAW: Congressman Kirk, this campaign has featured an abundance of attack ads, character assaults, mudslinging and a notable lack of high-level discourse on the important issues facing the next Illinois Senator.
RHODES: And that was just the primaries!
SHAW: To what extent should you be held accountable by the voters of Illinois for the negative tone of the campaign, which has been disappointing to virtually everyone?
MARK KIRK: I think this campaign certainly has been about the resume and background, but at heart, when we vote on November 2nd, it will be about economic philosophy. If you’re happy with the direction of the government right now, of trillions in debt, of increasingly accelerating the spending of the Congress, and the growing of the government into our national life, then my opponent is your candidate.
But there is a growing voice in Illinois that wants a check and balance. That does not think that we should raise taxes in Springfield, like my opponent would like, or in Washington, D.C. And we need a new small business bill of rights. Ten new policies to help out the real number one employers, small business. Half of all the jobs. Eighty percent of the job losses. We know how Congress has hurt them. We don’t know very much how the current Congress has helped them at all.
RHODES: Terrific. Now how about a citizens’ bill of rights wherein you are required to answer the question.

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Posted on October 31, 2010

Mystery Senate Primary Debate Theater

By Steve Rhodes

The three major Democratic candidates for U.S. Senate (no Jacob Meister or Robert Marshall) appeared on Chicago Tonight last night in a revealing discussion led by Carol Marin. Let’s take a look, with my own comments yelled at the TV inserted. (Remarks from all involved edited for clarity, convenience and sanity.)
*
Cheryle Jackson: [Massachusetts] was a change vote much like the vote for Obama . . . it was very much about jobs . . . and a sense that people in Washington are not addressing these issues.
Marin: But Obama was the change agent. How did he fail?
Alexi Giannoulias: Voters are angry. Angry at reckless Bush-Kirk economic policies . . .
Rhodes: Massachusetts voters are angry at Mark Kirk!

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Posted on January 21, 2010

Mystery Debate Theater 2008: Saddleback Mountain

By The Mystery Debate Theater Affairs Desk

The Mystery Debate Theater team of Tim Willette, Andrew Kingsford and Steve Rhodes couldn’t re-assemble over the weekend for Rick Warren’s Saddleback Mountain, but Steve pinch-hit with a run through the transcript. The following has been edited for space, clarity and sanity. We start with Obama and end with McCain.

WARREN: Who are the three wisest people you know in your life, and who are you going to rely on heavily in your administration?
STEVE: Richard Daley, Bill Daley, and John Daley.
*
WARREN: What would your greatest moral failure?
OBAMA: You know, there were times where I experimented with drugs. I drank in my teenage years. And what I traced this to is a certain selfishness on my part. I was so obsessed with me.
STEVE: Until when, five minutes ago?
OBAMA: When I find myself taking the wrong step, I think a lot of times it’s because I’m trying to protect myself instead of trying to do God’s work.
STEVE: I thought that was George Bush’s job.

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Posted on August 18, 2008

Mystery Debate Theater 2008

The Democrats, Episode 16

Once again the Mystery Debate Theater team of Andrew Kingsford, Tim Willette and Steve Rhodes gathered at Beachwood HQ . . . well, no, it was just me last night. Tim and Andrew are in Guam preparing for the upcoming primary there that we predict will decide the whole thing. So this episode of MDT 2008 is brought to you just by me.As always, this transcript has been edited for length, clarity and sanity.
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GIBSON: So we’re going to begin with opening statements, and we had a flip of the coin, and the brief opening statement first from Senator Obama.
OBAMA: You know, Senator Clinton and I have been running for 15 months now. We’ve been traveling across Pennsylvania for at least the last five weeks. And everywhere I go, what I’ve been struck by is the core decency and generosity of people of Pennsylvania and the American people.
But what I’ve also been struck by is the frustration. You know, I met a gentleman in Latrobe who had lost his job and was trying to figure out how he could find the gas money to travel to find a job. And that story, I think, is typical of what we’re seeing all across the country.
STEVE: Well, did you give him gas money?

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Posted on April 17, 2008

Mystery Debate Theater 2008

The Democrats, Episode 15

Once again the Mystery Debate Theater team of Andrew Kingsford, Tim Willette and Steve Rhodes gathered to add value to a presidential candidates’ debate in order to bring citizens a deeper understanding of our political system and the people inside it.
Well, Tim and Steve watched separately as each was felled by sniffles, congestion and ennui, while Andrew was . . . probably at Rainbo. Nonetheless, we have produced the most comprehensive and meaningful debate coverage on the face of the Earth. Remember, Texas and Ohio, you can take this with you into the voting booth.
As always, this transcript has been edited for space, clarity, sanity and comedy.
*
CLINTON: As I have said many times, I have a great deal of respect for Senator Obama, but we have differences. And in the last several days, some of those differences in tactics and the choices that Senator Obama’s campaign has made regarding flyers and mailers and other information that has been put out about my health care plan and my position on NAFTA have been very disturbing to me.
You know, for example, it’s been unfortunate that Senator Obama has consistently said that I would force people to have health care whether they could afford it or not.
TIM: My plan forces people to pay for health insurance whether they can afford it or not.

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Posted on February 27, 2008

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