Advocates Leasing Secret Formula To Morgan Stanley
“Former Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has joined Coca-Cola Co.’s board of directors effective immediately, the beverage giant announced Thursday.”
Daley’s influence was immediately felt, as the company also announced the following moves:
* All board votes will now be unanimous.
* The secret formula will be leased to Morgan Stanley for 75 years.
* Millennium Coke to debut five years late and $250 million over budget.
* Hired delivery trucks!
* Federal school lunch program declares Coke a vegetable.
* Company says it meant this world needs “wet Coke,” not “white Coke.”
* Pepsi runways destroyed in midnight raids.
* Company launches the Shakman Attak 6-Pak to stay competitive.
* Marketing department introduces The Coke Challenge Ballot: Coke, Pepsi, Pepsi Jr., Joe “Pepsi” Soda, Pep C, Pep Si Senor, Pepsi Jackson, Pepsi Washington.
* Coke now the Official Sponsor of The New York Yankees as part of its new Pinstripe Patronage campaign.
* New slogan: “Everybody knows dat!”
* Coke ingredients removed from labels; available now only through a Freedom of Information request that isn’t deemed “unduly burdensome.”
* Santa is out on Christmas cans; Patrick Ryan is in.
* Coke will hold its own Olympics. In Chicago. In 2016.
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Comments and contributions welcome.
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1. From Beachwood Mark:
* Introduces proposal to reverse flow of fountain dispensers.
* Check those CPS vending machines – bottled water is out and soda is back.
* Bottle deposits no longer refunded in Michigan – diverted into TIF fund instead.
* Remaining stock of New Coke to be dumped into Deep Tunnel.
* Aluminum cans to be replaced by wrought iron.
* Resurrects plans for the Chicago Spire, now to resemble a Coke bottle with a twisty straw coming out of it.
Posted on December 16, 2011