By The Beachwood Coded Racism Affairs Desk
As Ben Joravsky noted recently at Clout City, one of the most familiar refrains from Mayor Daley’s enablers is that Chicago would have become Detroit if it hadn’t been for him. The good folks here at Beachwood Labs went to their computer banks to see if this was true and, indeed, this is the way life would be here if Daley had never become mayor.
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1. We’d be in the Eastern time zone.
2. Eminem would have grown up here and married Ashlee Simpson.
3. Welcome to Hockeytown!
4. Canada would be where Gary is.
5. Berry Gordy Jr. would have produced “Kanye West and The Miracles.”
6. We’d have a shitty public transportation system.
7. Housing would be far cheaper.
8. Cars, not bikes, would be allowed to use bus lanes.
9. Soldier Field would have been a domed stadium in Du Page County.
10. We’d have much cooler sister cities.
11. City Hall would be the tall building in the middle, flanked by the Cook County Building and the Children’s Museum.
12. This would have been about us.
13. Doctor Chicago!
14. Dennis Rodman would have played here.
15. We’d have a mayor named Kwame.
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Bethany Lankin, Tim Willette, Eric Emery, Steve Rhodes
Posted on June 25, 2008