By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “War planes bomb hungry civilians.”
For those who despair at the planet’s lack of progress from year to year, consider this:
Soon everyone will have computerized drones to bomb hungry civilians.
News Headline: “New Yorkers are murdering less and stealing more.”
Progress everywhere you look.
Happy New Year!
News Item: “The Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis is offering a number of ‘Tweet Seats’ to social media fans. . . will allow social media users to interact during the show. . . .”
On the other hand, maybe the Mayans were simply off a few weeks.
From a Chinese worker’s letter smuggled to the United States in a product package:
“People who work here have to work 15 hours a day without Saturday, Sunday break and any holidays. Otherwise, they will suffer torturement, beat and rude remark. Nearly no payment. . . .”
QT is reminded for some reason that Michigan has become a right-to-work state, making the total 24.
News Headline: “. . . the fiscal cliff merry-go-round. . . .”
News Headline: “. . . the fiscal cliff roller-coaster. . . .”
News Headline: “. . . watching the fiscal-cliff circus. . . .”
News Headline: “. . . McConnell in particular is performing a high-wire act. . . .”
News Headline: “. . . a juggling act for Obama. . . .”
We must be having more fun than we thought.
News Headline: “2 officers released, 1 still hospitalized following shootings at NJ police station.”
These shootings would never happen if we allowed police officers to be armed.
News Item: “. . . supported positions that were in the wheelhouse of Ronald Reagan. . . .”
News Item: “. . . the actress isn’t straying far from her wheelhouse by taking on the role. . . .”
S.L., a Chicago reader, wants to know when a “domain” became a “wheelhouse,” and when can we have domains back?
And. . . .
News Item: “. . . first snowperson of the season. . . .”
News Item: “. . . making a snowperson. . . .”
News Item: “. . . the traditional snowperson. . . .”
Why does QT find itself looking for a hair-dryer and an extension cord?
News Headline: “World’s oldest man is Japanese? Now China claims someone much older.”
This should sort itself out soon enough.
Today is National Make Up Your Mind Day.
National Make Up Your Mind Day is today.
News Headline: “Officer shoots man with knife.”
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
News Headline: “No evidence that hangover cures work.”
QT, while working as a bartender some years ago, developed this hangover cure:
Take a lime wedge.
Put a few drops of bitters on the wedge.
Bite down on the wedge.
All right, all right. This is really a cure for hiccups.
But it will briefly take your mind off the hangover.
Happy New Year!
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ It is good luck to eat black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day.
+ A raisin dropped in a glass of champagne will move up and down and up and down in the champagne.
And yes. QT probably has too much time on its hands.
Happy New Year!
QT News You Can Use:
The Sub-Bureau for Rapid Service and Predictions of Earth Orientation of the International Earth Rotation Service has announced that there will be no leap second added to civil time at midnight tonight.
Happy New Year!
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Larry Kraus, a Rockford, Ill., reader, writes:
“When did verbs start becoming nouns–‘reveal,’ ‘disconnect,’ ‘fail’–when all have perfectly good noun forms? Have people become too lazy to use suffixes?”
No.
The trouble is that we’ve been using up all our suffixes to change nouns into verbs: “privatize,” “prioritize,” “incentivize,”
The second longest word in Shakespeare, by the way, is “anthropophaginian.”
And trust QT.
You don’t want to run into any anthrophaginianizing.
And Happy New Year!
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
Visit QT at facebook.com/zaynsmithqt
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on December 31, 2012