By The Beachwood Amusement Park Affairs Desk
“Tribune Company today announced that Mark Shapiro, a native Chicagoan, has been elected to the company’s board of directors. Shapiro is president and chief executive officer of Six Flags, Inc., the world’s largest regional amusement park company, a position he has held since December 2005.”
– May 9 press release
Among the proposals Shapiro brings to the table:
* Teacup delivery trucks.
* Tribune Tower transformed into Hurricane Mountain.
* Lou Piniella’s Wild Ride!
* Raise price of paper to an E ticket.
* Knock over the milk bottles and win a lifetime subscription.
* Reporters not allowed to take mascot uniforms off while on the job.
* Bozo is back!
* You must dunk the columnist before posting a comment.
* The Ghost of Mike Royko Haunted House.
* Cotton Candy now comes with your cotton candy.
* Editorial Board Fright Night! Toss and turn as you decide just when to endorse John McCain.
* Looney Tunes Lodge: Spend an hour practicing newsroom politics.
* Make Tribune Company the Seventh Flag. Then sell the other six to pay down its debt.
* Save money by using real cubs.
Posted on May 15, 2008