By The Beachwood Bureaucrat Affairs Desk
“Mayor Richard Daley to name CTA chief Ron Huberman to lead city schools.”
* Start times become flexible.
* “The third-grade is delayed today due to heavy snow. Please choose alternate grades.”
* KidTracker!
* New evacuation procedures leave kids stranded in basement.
* Slow zones introduced in every third school while books are re-binded.
* History of Mass Transit in Chicago banned from high school libraries.
* Metal detectors replaced by turnstiles.
* No eating, drinking or littering.
* Citizens welcome to walk up and down aisles of classrooms preaching Jesus and selling socks.
* Humans no longer allowed to use P.A. systems.
* Annual funding crisis will continue as usual.
* Each bell accompanied by announcement of the next class and which side the doors for it open.
* School buses outfitted with error-filled maps rejected by the CTA.
* School board members change jobs with CTA board members. Oh wait, they already do that.
* Announcing the new SuperSchool at Block 37.
Posted on January 27, 2009