By Zay N. Smith
News Item: Former Marine infantryman speaks out against allowing women in combat, saying fellow Marines “forced to be naked in front of the opposite sex” might find it “traumatizing.”
Add Marines to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “How the Obama administration protected Wall Street from prosecutions.”
By shamelessly looking the other way.
Some news stories are very short.
Super Bowl XLVII Countdown Update:
Antacid sales will increase an estimated XX percent the day after the Super Bowl.
News Headline: “Scientists build human heart from pigs and detergent.”
News Headline: “Obama: ‘I don’t know what’s in Rush Limbaugh’s heart.’ ”
At least now we have a hunch.
We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work;
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission lists grass as an unsafe playing surface for children.
+ Mike Wolstein, a Park Ridge reader, regarding QT’s mention that a case of vandalism by fruit-throwers in New Rochelle, N.Y., had caused police to investigate persimmons of interest, followed by a reader’s mention that a suspicious pear had been lurking in the area, writes:
“I think this story line is turning ugli.”
+ Paul Shubin, a Montreal reader, writes:
“I’m berry happy with this discussion.”
Wait.
Kiwi please make a decision here?
News Headline: “Missile launcher shows up at Seattle gun buyback.”
Or do you question an American’s right to hunt deer and protect his home with a missile launcher?
Some people will never understand the Second Amendment.
QT News Presented Without Comment:
The State Department announced that the office it opened to close the Guantanamo prison, which is still open, is now closed.
News Headline: “U.S. debt headed for 200 percent of GDP.”
All right.
But before we all run screaming into the streets:
The national debt is now a little above 100 percent of the gross domestic product.
This is about where it was after World War II.
And it is still rising, although this has slowed significantly because federal revenues have risen and annual deficits have fallen over the past four years.
So, yes, the debt is headed for 200 percent.
Have you ever driven from Chicago to Milwaukee?
You were headed for the North Pole.
News Headline: “Can tragedy prompt positive change?
Or another question:
If you can think of a positive change in human history that wasn’t prompted by a tragedy, could you please let QT know?
QT Latest Carjacker Who Failed Because He Didn’t Know How to Work a Manual Transmission Worldwide Pinpoint Locator:
11 p.m. Monday, 1414 Kuhl Ave., Orlando, Fla.
News Headline: “Sense of humor reveals who you truly are.”
QT slept under its car last night.
Needed to get up oily.
Now you know who QT truly is.
Astrophysicist Brian Thomas on the possibility of a collision of black holes or neutron stars within 200 light years of Earth sending out a burst of gamma rays that would end all life here:
“We wouldn’t see it coming.”
So why give it a second thought?
Today’s Birthdays: “Strange Interlude,” 85; Dick Cheney, 72.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
J.M.C., a Tucson, Ariz., reader, writes:
“A Greek-American friend who used to operate a hot dog stand often complained that when customers ordered a gyro, they always pronounced it as in ‘gyroscope.’ It is, of course YEAR-oh. But when I order from a non-Greek counterperson and pronounce it correctly, I am met with confused looks. What do I do?”
You might try a cheezborger.
The next time a restaurant offers you menu item “with au jus sauce,” by the way, know that it will be “with with sauce sauce.”
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
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QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on January 30, 2013