By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “Mitt Romney: U.S. will stay ‘strongest nation on Earth.’ ”
News Headline: “Clint Eastwood: U.S. ‘just couldn’t survive’ a second Obama term.”
Add strongest nations on Earth to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Sudan threatens to expel vote monitors”
News Headline: “Belarus blocks more poll monitors.”
News Headline: “Texas threatens to arrest U.N. poll monitors.”
For those interested in what kind of company Texas is keeping these days.
News Headline: “NYPD police officer charged with plotting to kidnap and cook 100 women.”
The officer’s defense will be that he was only doing his duty.
As he was hired to protect and serve.
News Headline: “Romney stands by candidate who said pregnancy from rape is what ‘God intended.’ ”
News Headline: “Roseanne Barr: ‘Romney is pro-rape.’ ”
A wild overstatement.
Mitt Romney is not pro-rape.
At worst, he is soft on rape.
News Headline: “What is the meaning of ‘Snakes on a Plane’?”
J.M., a Forest Park reader, doesn’t know the movie’s deeper meanings but does ask if modern surveyors in the Middle West still use stakes on a plain.
QT News You Can Use:
Martha Stewart wants you to know that the necessary implements for carving a Halloween pumpkin are a keyhole saw, a sabre saw, a linoleum cutter, a plaster scraper, a double melon-ball scooper and a power drill.
News Headline: “New York high court rules 4-3 that lap dancing is not an art.”
Or could the news here be that three judges on New York’s high court think lap-dancing is an art?
The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
An 8-year-old boy who mistakenly carried an unloaded BB gun in his backpack to school in Covington, Ga., immediately told his teacher of the problem and was then suspended for 10 days and reported to the police under the school’s zero-tolerance weapons policy.
News Headline: “Chunk of raw chicken falls out of sky.”
News Headline: “Live shark falls from sky onto golf course.”
These things happen in threes.
Enjoy your next autumn walk.
News Headline: “Philadelphia man slithered on movie theater floors to steal credit cards.”
And enjoy your next trip to the movies.
News Item: “. . . In the entire history of the United States of America, from George Washington’s election in 1789 on down, has there been a single candidate as unmoored from ideological principle or belief as Mitt Romney?”
Don’t be silly.
There’s. . . there’s. . . .
Let QT get back to you.
Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
Two men walked past 200 police cars in the parking lot before attempting to rob a cash register in a Milwaukee community center where 250 police officers were attending a SWAT personnel conference, police said.
News Headline: “Arkansas pol offers vodka for votes.”
Clearly unacceptable.
Bourbon, maybe, or a good corn whiskey. . . .
George Smith, a Glendale Heights reader, regarding QT’s wondering, if a group of larks is an exaltation of larks, what a group of politicians should be called, writes:
“An obfuscation of politicians.”
Or. . . .
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Music makes your skin temperature drop.
+ William Wordsworth had no sense of smell.
Today’s Birthdays: Hillary Rodham Clinton, 65; Jaclyn Smith, 65.
Coincidence?
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . as priests prostate themselves during ordination. . . .”
News Item: “. . . allow men to lie prostate before God. . . .”
In other usage notes, a growing number of people flat on the ground in submission and adoration is known as an enlarged prostrate.
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on October 26, 2012