By Zay N. Smith
The Case for the Separation of Church and Everything:
Evangelist Bryan Fischer announced that the little boys and girls in Newtown, Conn., died because prayer is no longer allowed in public schools.
He explained that God is a “gentleman,” and gentlemen do not go where they are not wanted.
He said children in the future will be safe if they “pray for protection” every morning in school.
News Headline: “Chicago: 10 shot including 4 teens.”
News Headline: “More than 50 shots fired at California mall.”
News Headline: “Shots fired near school in North Las Vegas.”
And just how is it we managed to be shocked at what happened in Newtown?
News Headline: “President Obama: ‘Newtown, you are not alone.'”
News Headline: “Obama: ‘Meaningful action’ needed to prevent shootings.”
And maybe, maybe, this time we will. . . .
Sorry.
Just kidding.
News Item (December 10): Astronomers discover Asteroid 2012 XE54.
Which passed between Earth and the moon two days later.
News Item (December 13): Astronomers discover Asteroid 2012 XB112.
Which passed between Earth and the moon a day later.
News Item (December 14): Astronomers discover Asteroid 2012 XL134.
Which passed between Earth and the moon during the weekend.
So figure the Mayan killer asteroid for December 21 will be discovered in a couple of days.
Hey. C’mon.
This is science.
News Headline: “Big Ten expansion a money game.”
News Headline: “With tradition gone, the Big Ten has no reason not to keep expanding.”
R.M., a Chicago reader, regarding QT’s asking for new division names to replace “Legends” and “Leaders,” such as “Cash” and “Carry” or “Bait” and “Switch,” suggests “Bought” and “Paid For.”
Or. . . .
News Headline: “Millionaire pockets part of donations sent to Salvation Army.”
News Headline: “Christmas season: Prostitutes hike prices.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Henry Kisor, an Evanston reader, regarding an agreement between QT and its readers to let go of a growing list of variations on the movie title Snakes on a Plane, in other words, to put the remakes on the wane, writes:
“If one twists one’s ankle, can one blame the aches on the sprain?”
Why do QT’s readers continue to traipse on this terrain?
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Emulex has acquired Endace.
QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
The average American CEO, who was paid 325 times as much as the average worker in 2010, is now paid 380 times as much, for those who think we have been heading in the right direction.
News Headline: “Uncertainty weighing on industry, Cisco CEO says.”
News Headline: “Uncertainty stifling business investment: TMX CEO.”
News Headline: “Verizon CEO: Uncertainty preventing hiring.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
uncertainty noun 1. the state of being uncertain. 2. doubt. 3. in other words, what everyone in the world faces every day. 4. and which many work to find ways to overcome. 5. except for, say, the nation’s CEOs. 6. who are evidently a bunch of buttercups.
News Headline: “Kim Jong Il’s exploits praised in Bulgaria.”
Slow news day in North Korea.
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ There were 98,411 gun homicides in the United States from 2003 to 2010.
+ Comes to three 9/11s a year.
News Headline: “Christmas carnage kicks off across Britain as drunken revelers stretch emergency services.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
J. M.C., a Tucson, Ariz., reader, writes:
“Will people who constantly say ‘quote unquote’ please stop using their fingers? I know what quotation marks look like. The same ‘quote unquote’ people always say, ‘between you and I,’ mischiev-EE-ous, and nu-Q-lur, by the way.”
There is no SAIL in the pronouncing of “wassail,” by the way.
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Posted on December 17, 2012