By Zay N. Smith
News Headline: “Man runs marathon in flip-flops.”
This is either about an athletic event or Mitt Romney’s presidential candidacy.
Hard to say.
QT will get back to you.
News Item: “. . . that 96 percent of the universe is completely unknown. . . .”
This is how far we have come:
We can calculate the exact percentage of what we have no idea about.
News Headline: “Airlines shrink seats, offer extra legroom for a fee.”
Can it be 34 years since we deregulated airlines in favor of the magic of the marketplace?
And are we all enjoying it so far?
News Headline: “Most young Americans can’t find Iraq on a map.”
News Headline: “Romney: ‘Syria is Iran’s path to the sea.’ ”
Iran is on the sea. It does not share a border with Syria.
Is Mitt Romney trying to make inroads into the youth vote?
News Headline: “How human beings almost vanished from Earth in 70,000 B.C.”
This had to do with an eruption of Mount Toba, a supervolcano in the South Pacific.
But Toba erupts only every 700,000 years, which means it won’t trouble us again for a long while.
Nothing new to report, meanwhile, on the similar Yellowstone Caldera supervolcano, which erupts every 600,000 years.
And last erupted 640,000 years ago.
Well. Give or take.
News Headline: ” ‘Snakes on a Plane’: Five years later.”
F.P., a Chicago reader, notes that President Obama’s improved debate performances are largely a matter of mistakes on the wane.
Or. . . .
Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A bank robber in Syracuse, N.Y., noticed while fleeing that he had been given less money than he had demanded, so he returned to the bank, where police were questioning witnesses, to ask for the rest.
News Headline: ” ‘America Needs Romney’ blimp crashes in Florida.”
No one was hurt.
Witnesses said the Romney blimp was moving one way and then another and then went down, for those keeping track of metaphors in the news.
Pots and Kettles (While We Are on Metaphors) in the News:
Donald Trump this week called one of his critics a “misinformed jackass.”
News Headline: “Fear grips Michigan communities after 22 random shootings along I-96.”
News Headline: “NRA marksmanship training events.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.
News Headline: “Clint Eastwood’s daughter endorses Obama.”
News Headline: “Kid Rock endorses Romney.”
Thirteen days to go.
QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been found on a stir-fried almond in Allentown, Pa.
News Item: “The Romney family has invested in the third-largest voting machine manufacturer in the United States, a company that makes the e-voting machines used in crucial swing states like Ohio and Colorado. . . .”
Wait. What are you thinking?
Heavens to Betsy, what a dreadful thing to think.
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Actuate has acquire Quiterian.
News Headline: “Woman eating bar of soap crashes into car outside naval base.”
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
The world ended 16 years ago yesterday, according to the 17th-century prediction of James Ussher, archbishop of Amargh, but rest assured, one of these Octobers, we will get the job done.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . just how aggressively Obama refuted every. . . .”
News Item: “. . . Romney refuted Obama’s claims that. . . .”
No.
Both rebutted.
It is a matter of judgment if either refuted.
And if a group of hummingbirds is a charm of hummingbirds, and a group of zebras is a dazzle of zebras, what is a group of politicians?
Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Posted on October 24, 2012