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Exclusive! The Real Reasons Walgreens Didn’t Invert

Another Beachwood Special Report

Walgreens announced Wednesday that it would keep its headquarters in Deerfield, rather than renouncing its American corporate citizenship in a tax inversion that would have placed its legal domicile overseas.
While company officials say they feared consumer backlash – and an IRS review – to an inversion, the Beachwood Tax Loophole Affairs Desk has learned the real reasons behind the decisions from sources at our local pharmacy


* All the plants would die.
* “Great Britain’s Pharmacy” did poorly in focus groups.
* Executive compensation not worth as much in the metric system.
* Cayman Islands booked.
* Fourth of July seasonal aisle would become too ironic.
* Overseas, corporations aren’t people.
* Wanna be here when Theo’s Plan comes to fruition.
* State of Illinois incentive package sweetened with a corruptible public official to be named later.
* Something about Medicare Advantage B and Prescription Plan D.
* Executives become teary-eyed while performing inventory of American flag forever stamps.
* Didn’t want to lose the Beachwood account.

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Posted on August 7, 2014