Another Beachwood Special Report
“Westfield is pleased to debut a never-before-seen video sneak peek of the New International Terminal 5 (T5) at Chicago O’Hare International Airport. The massive $26 million transformation by Westfield features more than 18 new premier dining and luxury retail shops – including 11 local Chicago brands – cutting-edge design, and world-class amenities.
“The New T5 showcases local airport firsts like modern Italian eatery Tocco, artisanal market Goddess & Grocer, and (5) concepts by Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises, including Hub 51, Big Bowl, and Wow Bao; a new 10,000 SF European-style duty-free shop, a first of its kind in North America which all departing passengers pass through after clearing the new TSA checkpoint; and luxury boutiques like Salvatore Ferragamo and a luxury watch shop.”
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But that’s not all. The Beachwood has learned that Terminal 5 will also include these special features:
* Non-crashy El access.
* Animatronic Cheers bar with Chicago postman who keeps your mail buried in his backyard.
* Get Screamed At By Rahm Simulator now featuring 50 languages.
* Duty-free international tax breaks.
* State-of-the-art profiling using CPD’s proprietary MuslimStat.
* Baggage claim dibs.
* New Welcome Ambassador Dennis Rodman.
* TSA agents trained in the international language of love.
* Bitcoin currency exchange.
* Slot machines technically located in international airspace.
* Closed-circuit television broadcasts of Chicago city council meetings so visitors from tyrannical nations can see how real democracy works the second they step foot in America.
* The new Taste of Chicago, featuring McDonald’s, Sbarro and video of Rahm dancing to Robin Thicke on an endless loop.
* Streamlined international graft processing.
* Pre-approved voter registration cards with pre-approved ballots.
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Comments welcome.
Posted on March 31, 2014