The Beachwood Gyroscope Affairs Desk
NEW YORK – David Blaine’s latest stunt is as much about charity as publicity.
The 33-year-old magician stepped inside a gyroscope Tuesday in Times Square. His hands and feet will be shackled to the spinning scope Thursday afternoon. He will then have until Friday morning – a total of 16 hours – to make his escape.
If he’s successful, Blaine will lead 100 children selected by The Salvation Army on a shopping expedition at Target. Each child will receive a $500 gift certificate from the retailer.
– Associated Press
Blaine Fails To Escape In Time. Result:
– The hopes of a hundred children locked in the Target vault slip away as the oxygen runs out.
– As terms of his contract dictate, Blaine is forced to take a job as a Target gift wrapper.
– David Copperfield makes him disappear.
– He loses his excuse and has to spend Thanksgiving weekend with the in-laws.
– The gyroscoping Blaine crashes into Dick Clark. Clark survives the incident.
– A Cincinnati DJ throws the tarred-and-feathered Blaine out of a helicopter.
– Officials banish him to the Phantom Zone with General Zod and Ursa.
– Officials banish him to the Cubs’ bullpen.
– A Russian cosmonaut putts him across space.
– Fearing the bad publicity that results from denying 100 needy children a shopping spree, Target blames the failure on the gyroscope it bought in the magic section at Wal-Mart.
– Target announces new partnership with Criss Angel.
– Deprived of the hungry eyes of his adoring public, David Blaine ceases to exist.
– Blaine goes into a rage and starts screaming racial epithets at hecklers.
– Signs book contract to write If I Did It, describing how he would’ve broken free, and what his subsequent Target shopping spree strategy would have been. Contract is cancelled after 100 disappointed children call it “blood money.”
– The gyroscope breaks free of its frame with Blaine in it, sending him rolling across the country until he comes to rest in a loading bay outside Target headquarters in Minneapolis, where he is pelted to death with stale hot dogs by interns from the marketing department.
– Blaine is not heard from again until he shows up on The Surreal Life, Season 13.
Blaine escapes. Result:
– He escorts 100 eager children on a Target shopping spree, only to discover at checkout that he left his wallet in the gyroscope.
– Disoriented after a week of gyrating, Blaine mistakes three winos for 100 eager children and leads them to the Times Square Bennigan’s.
– Blaine tells an eager child to punch him hard in the stomach and vomits blood on the PlayStation display. His body merges with the other trampled would-be PS3 buyers.
– He pulls the same stunt in Baghdad as a diversion while U.S. troops are airlifted out of the country. He is greeted as a liberator and named president-for-life.
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– Tim Willette, Natasha Julius, Steve Rhodes
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See also David Blaine: A List.
Posted on November 23, 2006