By Andrew Kingsford
Whittling the pool of acceptable heterosexual dating options for a single man in Chicago.
Chicago and its suburbs: 9 million people
Subtract the suburbs: 3 million remaining
Subtract for gender: 1.5 million remaining
Subtract for age: 500,000 remaining
Subtract for married and monogamous: 250,000 remaining
Subtract for unmarried but in a monogamous relationship: 125,000 remaining
Subtract those you will never be attracted to: 62,500 remaining
Subtract those who will never be attracted to you: 31,250 remaining
Subtract for sexual preference: 28,125 remaining
Subtract those in prison who would otherwise meet the remaining qualifications: 25,000 remaining
Subtract those with unacceptable record collections: 5,000 remaining
Subtract the certifiably insane, with regret: 4,000 remaining
Subtract those you will never meet: 2,000 remaining
Subtract those with unacceptable religious beliefs: 500 remaining
Subtract neat freaks: 250 remaining
Subtract those who eat their peas one at a time: 225 remaining
Subtract those whose parents will never accept you: 100 remaining
Subtract those you’ve already dated/slept with: 75 remaining
Subtract those whose lifestyle you can’t afford: 50 remaining
Subtract bad tippers and atrocious drivers: 25 remaining
Subtract those who can’t be true: 12 remaining
Subtract those with unacceptable political beliefs: 6 remaining
Subtract those you work for or who work for you: 3 remaining
Subtract those who don’t speak English: 1 remaining
. . . And she just moved to New York City.
Posted on November 1, 2006