By Steve Rhodes
Jeez, maybe Obama is divine. Every opponent he faces turns out to have a sex scandal in their closet. Spooky good fortune!
Posted on February 21, 2008
The [Wednesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
I have some business to attend to today so there won’t be a Papers column, but please go read every column Bob Somerby has written this year. And before that. He’s not always right, but he bats about .900, and nobody does a better job of exposing the folly of the political press’s pre-conceived notions, illogical leaps of faith and general immaturity.
Oh wait, I do have one new item for today:
“Sun-Times Media Group To Outsource Ad Creation.”
Will outsource advertisers too, mostly to RedEye. Ha ha.
And I’ve tacked on some additional material to Tony’s Tour, I mean, c’mon people!
And also new today is Christian Men’s Deepest Secrets Exposed.
Plus, everything I wrote yesterday is still true. See you tomorrow.
Posted on February 20, 2008
The [Tuesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
Fidel Castro announced his retirement as Cuba’s dictator this morning. The Beachwood’s Havana Affairs Desk has the scoop.
1. He wants to spend more time with his family.
2. He will not release his superdelegates.
3. He’s reportedly in the running for Bud Selig’s job.
4. He’s expected to join Patton Boggs’ Havana office.
5. He did not have sex with that woman. He did, however, have sex with that man and that goat.
6. He will testify before Congress that he never took steroids, though he once sold cigars and a couple of joints to Brian McNamee.
7. He thinks this could be the Cubs’ year.
8. He’s taking a better-paying job as activities director at Guantanamo.
9. He also revealed he secretly mediated the end of the writers’ strike.
10. He’s got a three-picture deal with Universal.
Posted on February 19, 2008
The [Monday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
Wilco is in the midst of a sold-out five-show residency at the Riv. Tuesday night’s show will be broadcast live on WXRT starting around 7:30 p.m.
Greg Kot has the set lists so far.
Posted on February 18, 2008
The Weekend Desk Report
By Natasha Julius
We’d like to share more about the key stories this weekend, but it’ll have to wait until the lawsuit clears.
Market Update
Bad week for balloonist futures.
Trader Nos
In response to customer concerns, Trader Joe’s has announced it will no longer import certain foods from China. They may still import potential customers, however.
Posted on February 16, 2008
The [Friday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
“A gunman dressed in black stormed into an oceanography class at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb Thursday afternoon and opened fire with a shotgun and two handguns, killing five students and wounding 16 more in a matter of seconds,” the Tribune reports.
“Then, still on stage, he killed himself.”
Posted on February 15, 2008
The [Thursday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
1. Give the gift of breaking up.
2. The best love letter appearing anywhere in the world today that isn’t based on a Bob Dylan or Replacements song.
Posted on February 14, 2008
The [Wednesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
Okay, this is getting way beyond creepy.
Skyjackers
“Another wave of mega-airline mergers is ready for take-off. But will Uncle Sam just go along for the ride? Let’s hope not,” Bob Reed writes.
Posted on February 13, 2008
The [Tuesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
1. Monetizing boredom.
2. “Congress Makes Do Not Call List Permanent.”
Members can now only be reached by texting.
3. The Tribune reprints a New York Times story today asking “Does Celebrity Rehab Host Go Too Far?”
I’ll answer that one: Not nearly.
Posted on February 12, 2008
The [Monday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
I usually don’t watch the Grammys, but I happened upon it in the early-going and . . . was that Morris Day and The Time doing “Jungle Love“? It was, complete with the valet-with-the-mirror bit and all.
Um, what time is it? Because I thought we were somewhere in 2008.
Posted on February 11, 2008