By Steve Rhodes
It’s not easy being me.
Let’s see what’s in the news.
1. “Hoping to retain its newly recaptured muscle car supremo status, GM unveiled the 2012 Chevy Camaro ZL1 Wednesday at the Chicago Auto Show.”
Posted on February 9, 2011
The [Tuesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
Today’s column will appear whenever the hell I get to it. I’m tired, people!
Posted on February 8, 2011
The [Monday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
“In my 53 years on earth, I have never witnessed a more tasteless, vulgar and morally repulsive example of exploitative marketing than this Groupon ad that ran on the Super Bowl,” Paul Gillin writes at B2C Marketing Insider. “Can you imagine using the suffering of a repressed and brutalized nation to market online coupons?”
Well, we just had a state visit by a dictator who does exactly that sort of thing and, come to think of it, we’re about to elect as mayor one of the celebrated political operatives of a trade bill unconcerned with labor standards, and one of our longstanding allies in the Middle East is about to fall due to brutal repression we propped up, so in a sense Groupon is an All-American company. They even took $3.5 million they didn’t need in taxpayer subsidies (even as social services will now be cut beyond bone) just months before raising $950 million in venture capital.
If Groupon’s Super Bowl commercials were meant to be social critique as parody, they would have worked marvelously. Same result if the commercials were produced by Saturday Night Live as a statement about the heroism assigned Groupon for its proficiency at, um, coupon deals.
Alas, this is straightforward botchery, even if Groupon is groping to explain what America’s nimrods were too dense to get.
Posted on February 7, 2011
The Weekend Desk Report
By Natasha Julius
In case you missed it, we got some snow. Not that it’ll keep us from our most important endeavors.
Market Update
Society futures took a tumble this week as analysts stressed the market’s fragility. Let’s face it: if one more of our trusted institutions turns hostile, we’re toast.
Posted on February 5, 2011
The [Friday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
“In a city known for punishing mayors for their handling of snowstorms, Mayor Richard Daley was careful not to step in front of the cameras until the main streets were clear,” AP reports.
“When he finally did Thursday, the mayor swiftly brushed aside any criticism of the city’s response to the monstrous blizzard that created a startling spectacle: hundreds of motorists stranded overnight on the city’s marquee thoroughfare.
“So far, few fingers were pointed at Daley, despite some inevitable second-guessing.”
Posted on February 4, 2011
The [Thursday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
“You don’t close Lake Shore Drive,” a source experienced in snow emergencies tells John Kass. “If you close the drive, then you’ve paralyzed the entire North Side. There’s no place for the traffic to go, and those people can’t get home. It’s not ‘Why they didn’t close the drive sooner?’ The question is why they lost control of the drive in the first place.”
I don’t know if it was possible to keep Lake Shore Drive open – and drivable – but it’s an entirely reasonable line of questioning, especially given that the monster waves we were warned of never materialized.
Posted on February 3, 2011
The [Wednesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
We’ll be continuously updating this column today and tonight as conditions warrant.
*
NEW 4:48 P.M.: From the del Valle campaign:
“Mayoral Candidate Miguel del Valle Traverses Storm to Preserve Perfect Attendance Record at Forums: Says blizzard won’t stop him from fulfilling duties at City Hall or on campaign trail today.”
Too bad he’s not running for mailman!
*
NEW 4:13 P.M.: By Eliza Moeller.
*
*
NEW 2:43 P.M.: New court ruling: Inability to claim Dibs proves Rahm isn’t a resident!
*
“‘Kass would expect me to go into my basement and get a broken chair and put it in front of my house,’ Emanuel told guests at a fundraiser the other evening as the snowstorm was gathering.
“But the poor guy still can’t get to those chairs and claim a street parking space because he rented his house, remember?”
TIM: I wish I’d put them in my living room two years ago!
Posted on February 2, 2011
The [Tuesday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
UPDATE 12:50 P.M.:
Now posted:
* Tonight It’s Gonna Snow Like It’s 1979
* Forecast Calls For Shovel Boys
* Let’s Not Get It Started And Say We Did: The Beachwood Super Bowl Halftime Prop Bet 2011
* Live! The Jayhawks at the Vic
–
The Beachwood will appear in fits and starts throughout the day today, as I fill out our sections, finish up the third part of Rahm’s Rules, and deliver a Papers column. This delay has nothing to do with the Snowlocaust, Snowmaggedon, Snowpocalypse or SNOMG!
READER SUBMISSION 12:56 P.M.: I’m leaning toward Snowzilla, but Snowmaclysm is a close second. Also: The Snow Ness Monster! Snowmanian Devil! Great Snowgally Moogally! George H. W. Snow!!!
NEW ENTRY 2:49 P.M.: Snowtorious B.I.G.
NEW ENTRY 2:53 P.M.: Snowlapalooza.
NEW ENTRY: 2:54 P.M.: A friend’s Facebook commenter wonders if the whole thing will be snowverated.
NEW ENTRY: 2:58 P.M.: A Facebook friend suggests Snowprah.
NEW ENTRY: 3:25 P.M.: Our main on the rail Tom Chambers says it’s Win, Place or Snow.
NEW ENTRY: 5:26 P.M.: Snow-ma-la-ma-ding-dong!
*
For now, please enjoy this @BeachwoodReport tweet from Monday afternoon:
Breaking: Early voting exit polls show #Rahm has already won; rest of election canceled.
More later.
Posted on February 1, 2011
The [Monday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes
I’m still working on Rahm’s Rules Part 3, which is about the media coverage of the challenge to his residency. Hope to have it up later today.
In the meantime, we’re chock full of goodness:
Posted on January 31, 2011
The Weekend Desk Report
By Natasha Julius
Super Bore Sunday Edition
Every year we have to endure the endless days before the Super Bowl. And while this year’s NFC Championship Game has left us all feeling a little Phil-Kessel-Without-The-Car, we still have a few suggestions to pass the time.
Posted on January 29, 2011