Chicago -
By Steve Rhodes
Governor Gumby is now Governor Squeezy.
And a python is the official state joke.
In The Governor Goes Squeezy.
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On the other hand, if the goal was to get every reporter and politico in the state to watch a 3:44 video about pensions, mission accomplished.
Posted on November 19, 2012
By Natasha Julius
We’ve jumped over the fiscal cliff so you don’t have to.
Market Update
The good news is, brains are apparently our most important natural resource. The bad news is, they’re not worth much.
Posted on November 17, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
“Jason Campbell will replace Jay Cutler as the Chicago Bears’ starting quarterback on Monday night against the San Francisco 49ers, the team announced Friday,” ESPN Chicago reports.
“Cutler suffered a concussion Sunday night on an illegal hit by Houston Texans linebacker Tim Dobbins.”
Again, the hit wasn’t illegal; if it was Dobbins would have been charged with a crime, no? “Prohibited” might work.
Posted on November 16, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
News you can abuse.
1. Former Attorney General Fahner Calls Pension Mess ‘Unfixable.’
Then he tells us how to fix it.
2. Lovie Smith Says Long-Term Harm From Concussions Unproven.
Which proves the study that shows long-term harm from concussions includes forgetting the long-term harm from concussions.
Posted on November 15, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
Rahm Emanuel is too busy focusing on Chicago’s most serious issues to concern himself with staffers secretly recording conversations with reporters, but he’s got time to worry about Ding Dongs in the city’s vending machines.
Yup, that sounds about right.
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Mmmm, Ding Dongs . . .
Posted on November 14, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
“Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Monday dismissed suggestions that his staff had been secretly recording reporters, calling the reports ‘much ado about nothing,'” NBC5 reports.
He also admitted he had not read the reports. No joke.
He was also a huge prick when asked about the reports. No joke.
See, unlike reporters, he’s too busy caring about our children to worry about City Hall staffers committing Class 4 felonies. No joke. That’s what he said.
Posted on November 13, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
The Papers is having all kinds of issues and is hereby taking the rest of the day off. This is as far as I got before sinister forces conspired against me.
Rahm Milhouse Nixon
“After incidents in which phone conversations with Chicago Tribune reporters were recorded without their consent by City Hall officials, a city attorney has insisted that there is no widespread practice of such taping and that steps have been taken to ensure it does not happen again,” the paper reports.
“Recording a conversation without the consent of all parties is a felony in Illinois.”
Will those officials be prosecuted? After all . . .
Posted on November 12, 2012
By Natasha Julius
Despite its flaws, this is emphatically the only Weekend Desk Report written by the Weekend Desk.
Market Update
In case you were wondering, Old America fucking hates New America.
Posted on November 10, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
“A little-noticed tax break for investor-owned hospitals that was tucked into a deal last spring aimed at saving the Illinois Medicaid program from collapse will cost the cash-strapped state at least $10 million a year in lost revenue, according to an analysis by The Associated Press.
“Hospital industry officials say the tax credit recognizes the free care they provide to the uninsured. But some state officials were puzzled about how for-profit hospitals were able to land a major tax break in the intense closed-door negotiations at a time when Springfield was grappling with a dire financial crisis.”
Let me guess: The lobbyist did it in an anteroom with a Madigan.
Posted on November 9, 2012
By Steve Rhodes
Sneed has coincidentally “learned” the day after the election that Jesse Jackson Jr. is in the “midst of plea discussions with the feds probing his alleged misuse of campaign funds.”
Question: Is the source . . .
A) A fed heating up Junior
B) A Jackson rep trying to leak the news out slowly
Answer: B.
Why?
Posted on November 8, 2012
